God bless Va Tech. I can't imagine being one of those students or staff on that campus right now. Satan and his work on this earth are so strong. And even though this is probably no comfort to the victims and their families, I can't help but think that, thank God, Jesus is much greater than all of this, and He IS still in control!!
Death affects everyone so differently. We had an incident on Palm Sunday that has affected me so deeply. On our 30 + minute trek to church, we came upon an accident that had happened just 30-60 seconds beforehand. A young girl (early 30's, no seatbelt) was rushing back to Bowling Green where she was a BGSU student (her family lives in Defiance, where she began her journey that day). She ran a stop sign (clearly marked with flashing lights) and hit the back end of a semi. She ended up, where we found her, face down in a ditch (we have DEEP ditches around here. She was still alive but not for long. I stayed with the kids, and Russ went, along with several others, to see if they could help. All they could do was wait for the authorities and pray. Her name was Nicole, and I will never forget her. From the van, I could see most of her, hanging out of the car, white as a sheet, except for the blood. She might not have known what hit her. Let's hope not. Those of use who saw the aftermath have been affected for life.
God bless Virginia Tech. God bless Nicole's family. God bless us all.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
home again, home again...
I am finally back to blogging! I hate that it has taken over two months, but anyone who has regular read my blogs knows that this is not the first time!
Since last time, I have had my "re-do" hernia surgery, and my belly is great! It took a while longer to recover, but it was all worth it. This time they had to use one big piece of surgical mesh to repair my entire abdomen...but enough of the gory stuff. It was bad enough that the surgeon gave me pictures of the whole process. He thought that since I love to learn, and have a masters in education, that I would find it interesting. I found it disgusting! But now it is done.
My back is still a mess. I have a doctor's report on that....scoliosis in the lower back, along with a disintegration of the spine, causing a "narrowing" of the spinal canal. I'll see the ortho guy next month to see what he can do. May just be a matter of shots in the spine to reduce the pain, maybe some chiropractic care or therapy for the scoliosis. Isaac and I can do that together, since we are now the scoliosis twins! And I re-injured my right knee...my old "football injury" from high school. It hyperextended on Saturday, and I am walking on and off with a cane...fun, fun. But I'll be okay. I may have to mention this latest problem to the orthopedic doctor, though! I'M OLD...I'M FALLING APART! :-)
Russ is carrying an "a" average in his masters!!!! I am proud of him. This week is an awful, bu exciting week for him. He begins some extra sub work at Wood Lane Industries, where he will work with the older "challenged" folk. He is preaching this next Sunday at church. And Thursday morning, he is taking the test to have his credentials reinstated by the Assemblies of God. Whew! God, strengthen him over the next few days.
I am trying my best to be a woman of the Word, to be a blessing to my husband. I sure could use his help around the house right now, and there are rooms I would like to paint, but i will do as much as I can by myself. It would be downright rude of me to ask anything else of him! i am busy with church work, too. I'm singing on our worship team, I'm heading up "Kidz Praise", our Sunday AM program for birth through age 12, I'm doing the bulletin, I'm starting a newsletter in may, and I am designing a website, to begin next Sunday! (puff, puff, puff....)
The kids are growing, growing, growing! We have Isaac's second parent-teacher conference of the year on Friday morning, and those are always fun...truly! He also has an eye doctor appointment immediately following. Our doctor is AMAZING when it comes to checking the kids' eyes. He is an opthamologist, specializing in special needs kids and small children. Dr. Neville is phenomenal!
Emma can't wait for Wednesday. She and I are going to the Jordan Center to get her signed up for headstart preschool in the fall. Since she STILL refuses to be potty-trained, headstart was the way to go. If she persists, they will help us potty-train her! She'll start in August.
Ronnie is almost 17 months, and still refusing to walk completely on his own. I have very strong-willed kids! So next week, our buddy Beth Instone from Help Me Grow will come and do an initial evaluation on him, and he may start Early Intervention classes, also the the Jordan Center. I may be putting three kids on the school bus instead of just one VERY SOON!
No more dogs at the Ewing house! Ellie just got too big, and she has been adopted out. We did get another cat, one that looks just like our old friend, Moe, who ran away last year. So his name is Moe Two. He is a brat, but adorable.
There's an update for you....and I'll keep on trying to journal as often as I can. Lord, help me to minister in some way through these words. I dedicate this part of my life to You, as well as every other part, every crack, every crevice. Thank You for my life, God. Thank You for my husband. Thank You for my "Zoo"! More later...
Since last time, I have had my "re-do" hernia surgery, and my belly is great! It took a while longer to recover, but it was all worth it. This time they had to use one big piece of surgical mesh to repair my entire abdomen...but enough of the gory stuff. It was bad enough that the surgeon gave me pictures of the whole process. He thought that since I love to learn, and have a masters in education, that I would find it interesting. I found it disgusting! But now it is done.
My back is still a mess. I have a doctor's report on that....scoliosis in the lower back, along with a disintegration of the spine, causing a "narrowing" of the spinal canal. I'll see the ortho guy next month to see what he can do. May just be a matter of shots in the spine to reduce the pain, maybe some chiropractic care or therapy for the scoliosis. Isaac and I can do that together, since we are now the scoliosis twins! And I re-injured my right knee...my old "football injury" from high school. It hyperextended on Saturday, and I am walking on and off with a cane...fun, fun. But I'll be okay. I may have to mention this latest problem to the orthopedic doctor, though! I'M OLD...I'M FALLING APART! :-)
Russ is carrying an "a" average in his masters!!!! I am proud of him. This week is an awful, bu exciting week for him. He begins some extra sub work at Wood Lane Industries, where he will work with the older "challenged" folk. He is preaching this next Sunday at church. And Thursday morning, he is taking the test to have his credentials reinstated by the Assemblies of God. Whew! God, strengthen him over the next few days.
I am trying my best to be a woman of the Word, to be a blessing to my husband. I sure could use his help around the house right now, and there are rooms I would like to paint, but i will do as much as I can by myself. It would be downright rude of me to ask anything else of him! i am busy with church work, too. I'm singing on our worship team, I'm heading up "Kidz Praise", our Sunday AM program for birth through age 12, I'm doing the bulletin, I'm starting a newsletter in may, and I am designing a website, to begin next Sunday! (puff, puff, puff....)
The kids are growing, growing, growing! We have Isaac's second parent-teacher conference of the year on Friday morning, and those are always fun...truly! He also has an eye doctor appointment immediately following. Our doctor is AMAZING when it comes to checking the kids' eyes. He is an opthamologist, specializing in special needs kids and small children. Dr. Neville is phenomenal!
Emma can't wait for Wednesday. She and I are going to the Jordan Center to get her signed up for headstart preschool in the fall. Since she STILL refuses to be potty-trained, headstart was the way to go. If she persists, they will help us potty-train her! She'll start in August.
Ronnie is almost 17 months, and still refusing to walk completely on his own. I have very strong-willed kids! So next week, our buddy Beth Instone from Help Me Grow will come and do an initial evaluation on him, and he may start Early Intervention classes, also the the Jordan Center. I may be putting three kids on the school bus instead of just one VERY SOON!
No more dogs at the Ewing house! Ellie just got too big, and she has been adopted out. We did get another cat, one that looks just like our old friend, Moe, who ran away last year. So his name is Moe Two. He is a brat, but adorable.
There's an update for you....and I'll keep on trying to journal as often as I can. Lord, help me to minister in some way through these words. I dedicate this part of my life to You, as well as every other part, every crack, every crevice. Thank You for my life, God. Thank You for my husband. Thank You for my "Zoo"! More later...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
pain on the horizon
We'll try this picture thing AGAIN later. I feel so inadequate!
Happy birthday to the best man in the world. Russ is 35 years old today. I wish I could give him the world and then back up and do it all over again! He is so bright, so loving, so funny...and the best dad anywhere! Emma and I are waiting right now for Russ to get home from work so that she can give him his birthday paddling! He doesn't want to do anything tonight, but I'm at least making a family dinner...we'll go from there! I may have him get himself something special...he needs it right now...
My surgery on my abdomen is January 30th. My hernias are back and multiplying, and it hurts. But this time they are not alone...
The family doctor last week told me that I have severe degenerative back disease, with several (not a couple, several) discs in my lower back actually disintegrating. I am now facing more surgery on that in a few weeks, and maybe more than one surgery, depending on how severe it is. Dr. Dood sais that he expects two surgeries at least, but lots of time off. I'm already barely able to move, and it could get worse while recovering from surgery? AAGH!
How do I do that? I work here at home, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I've got three active (overly so at times) children, all age six and younger. I've got a husband who is already burning the candle at both ends, working, church working, looking for a new full time job, preparing us to move, and doing his masters degree. I guess if I wasn't such a "nitwit" about housecleaning, wanting everything so perfect, it wouldn't be this bad. And I have no one to help...except Tim, who is coming to stay with the kids while I'm in the hospital. But he has a heart condition, and he has his own life.
I'm really thinking of just getting more pain meds, and fighting my way through life. The doctors say that I could do that, but that my back is bad enough that, in a few years, I might face life from a wheelchair. I just don't know how we can do this...or rather, how I can put up with a filthy house! I hate that word, but it describes things pretty vividly...
I can do all things through Jesus, right? Right?????
More later...
Happy birthday to the best man in the world. Russ is 35 years old today. I wish I could give him the world and then back up and do it all over again! He is so bright, so loving, so funny...and the best dad anywhere! Emma and I are waiting right now for Russ to get home from work so that she can give him his birthday paddling! He doesn't want to do anything tonight, but I'm at least making a family dinner...we'll go from there! I may have him get himself something special...he needs it right now...
My surgery on my abdomen is January 30th. My hernias are back and multiplying, and it hurts. But this time they are not alone...
The family doctor last week told me that I have severe degenerative back disease, with several (not a couple, several) discs in my lower back actually disintegrating. I am now facing more surgery on that in a few weeks, and maybe more than one surgery, depending on how severe it is. Dr. Dood sais that he expects two surgeries at least, but lots of time off. I'm already barely able to move, and it could get worse while recovering from surgery? AAGH!
How do I do that? I work here at home, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I've got three active (overly so at times) children, all age six and younger. I've got a husband who is already burning the candle at both ends, working, church working, looking for a new full time job, preparing us to move, and doing his masters degree. I guess if I wasn't such a "nitwit" about housecleaning, wanting everything so perfect, it wouldn't be this bad. And I have no one to help...except Tim, who is coming to stay with the kids while I'm in the hospital. But he has a heart condition, and he has his own life.
I'm really thinking of just getting more pain meds, and fighting my way through life. The doctors say that I could do that, but that my back is bad enough that, in a few years, I might face life from a wheelchair. I just don't know how we can do this...or rather, how I can put up with a filthy house! I hate that word, but it describes things pretty vividly...
I can do all things through Jesus, right? Right?????
More later...
Friday, January 12, 2007
I'm terrible at techno stuff
Okay, so I am absolutely no good at technological things. I still can't get pictures onto my blog. I know, I've done it before, but I am serious when I tell you that those incidents were sheer FLUKES! Anybody want to give me a comment, and let me know what I'm doing wrong? i'm trying to put pictures onto the blog that are .bmp files, and are in My Documents, under the subcategory My Pictures. HELP!
More painful news for me...I'm facing more surgery. Why, God? It seems that my former hernia repairs (from September) are lettting go a bit, and need redone, and I have the beginning of a new hernia on the other side. I have surgery January 30th, and face at least three days in the hospital. Yuck! I also found out yesterday that there is every possibility that I have degenerative back/disc disease in my lower back. I'll know more sometime later today or Tuesday. I'll face a lot of pain meds and possible future surgery for that! Woo Hoo!
I've often questioned why God would let us have pain of any kind. The biggest questions in my mind toward this subject came with the death of my mom, and later my dad, my dad's whole
"career" of pain, with arthritis, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and more. Plus, when Isaac was born so terribly, I wondered how God could allow Isaac to suffer anything at all, when he was so small and so vulnerable. And now Isaac may face more surgery, with a shunt repair (lengthening), and a repair of his fundoplication (stomach surgery to help with his reflux). Why, Lord?
But I also have learned, and I need to remind myself, that God does not give us anything that we can't handle. And it is never a case of handling it in our own strength...we have the Lord Himself to supply whatever we need, at whatever moment we need it. Do we need physical fortitude? God gives us plenty. Do we need peace? God says, "Shusssh" to the wind and storms we are passing through. God provides.
Provide now, Lord. The recent hernia surgery was so problematic and so painful. Give me peace and grace, and strength to see it through again. And give me the guts to start and stick with a diet and fitness program. To see that scale hit 305 pounds yesterday make me literally sick to my stomach (and it wasn't the hernias causing that queasiness). Both Dr. Dood and Dr. Lane told me that my back condition and my hernia condition were worsened greatly by my weight. It's time to make a change, and I can't do it alone, and Russ and I can't do it alone. help us, Lord.
And finally, Father God, be with Isaac. The former surgeries happened when he was so little, at a time when he would eventually forget the whole experience. But now he is six years old, and circumstances have changed. Help him to understand that it is all for his benefit. And help Isaac to gain a deeper knowledge of You, an intimate knowledge. Only You know the best way to break through his autism, etc., and make that relationship happen.
And thank You, Lord, that Ronnie and Emma are healthy at this time. Continue to help them to grow into a perfect friendship with You, even as young as they are.
More later...
More painful news for me...I'm facing more surgery. Why, God? It seems that my former hernia repairs (from September) are lettting go a bit, and need redone, and I have the beginning of a new hernia on the other side. I have surgery January 30th, and face at least three days in the hospital. Yuck! I also found out yesterday that there is every possibility that I have degenerative back/disc disease in my lower back. I'll know more sometime later today or Tuesday. I'll face a lot of pain meds and possible future surgery for that! Woo Hoo!
I've often questioned why God would let us have pain of any kind. The biggest questions in my mind toward this subject came with the death of my mom, and later my dad, my dad's whole
"career" of pain, with arthritis, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and more. Plus, when Isaac was born so terribly, I wondered how God could allow Isaac to suffer anything at all, when he was so small and so vulnerable. And now Isaac may face more surgery, with a shunt repair (lengthening), and a repair of his fundoplication (stomach surgery to help with his reflux). Why, Lord?
But I also have learned, and I need to remind myself, that God does not give us anything that we can't handle. And it is never a case of handling it in our own strength...we have the Lord Himself to supply whatever we need, at whatever moment we need it. Do we need physical fortitude? God gives us plenty. Do we need peace? God says, "Shusssh" to the wind and storms we are passing through. God provides.
Provide now, Lord. The recent hernia surgery was so problematic and so painful. Give me peace and grace, and strength to see it through again. And give me the guts to start and stick with a diet and fitness program. To see that scale hit 305 pounds yesterday make me literally sick to my stomach (and it wasn't the hernias causing that queasiness). Both Dr. Dood and Dr. Lane told me that my back condition and my hernia condition were worsened greatly by my weight. It's time to make a change, and I can't do it alone, and Russ and I can't do it alone. help us, Lord.
And finally, Father God, be with Isaac. The former surgeries happened when he was so little, at a time when he would eventually forget the whole experience. But now he is six years old, and circumstances have changed. Help him to understand that it is all for his benefit. And help Isaac to gain a deeper knowledge of You, an intimate knowledge. Only You know the best way to break through his autism, etc., and make that relationship happen.
And thank You, Lord, that Ronnie and Emma are healthy at this time. Continue to help them to grow into a perfect friendship with You, even as young as they are.
More later...
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
The dreaded day...
It finally happened. I had a feeling it would. Everyone was telling me to expect it. But I never thought the day would come.
What happened? My three-year-old daughter cut off her hair!
On her right side, you would never know that anything ever happened. But on the left....oh, boy! So we made a quick trip to the Fiesta in the mall tonight, and now she looks like a tomboy!
Guess this is a good time to put our new family pictures on. You can remember her hair (even with the God-awful long bangs) the way that it was!
God Bless...
What happened? My three-year-old daughter cut off her hair!
On her right side, you would never know that anything ever happened. But on the left....oh, boy! So we made a quick trip to the Fiesta in the mall tonight, and now she looks like a tomboy!
Guess this is a good time to put our new family pictures on. You can remember her hair (even with the God-awful long bangs) the way that it was!
God Bless...
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Let us do the right thing, Lord...
Finding God's path for your life...man, could it ever be easy? Obviously not!
That's what we are smack dab in the midst of right now. We are loving the fact that we are assistant pastors in Defiance. Sure, there are the normal problems, but nothing we can't handle with the love of God. For the majority, the people are hungry, the church is on the move...and we fit right in like family members.
Now here's the rub...we live over 30 miles away from the church...more like 35-40 miles. That's a heck of a trek every Sunday, let alone other times of the week. Since we are at the YMCA now for services, we are setting up on Saturday nights. That's hard for us to get there at the drop of a hat, and even if we can make it, the gas money will soon kill us. Now I'm coordinating kids' ministries on Sunday morning, and I'd like to, eventually, be close by the do visitation, etc. during the week. The midweek kids' and youth ministries (Russ' babies) are starting soon, and then, once warm weather returns, we are planning a LOT of outreach activities. Add those miles up sometime. It's mind-blowing. Now I'm checking with Pastor about "Sweet Mondays", the ladies' group. If no one is heading it up, I'd like to. My mom did it, why can't I? And Russ wants the mens' prayer breakfast to "Break Out"as soon as it can...but we are far away. Every time we men tion to Pastor Larry that we can do this or that, he shuts us down, saying that we'll wait until we live closer.
Russ has already applied for some jobs. He hasn't heard anything, but it has also been a holiday week, plus we had holiday shutdowns for the funeral of former President Gerald Ford. It could take some extra time. He has also registered with the Job Services in Defiance, and could hear something from them anytime.
On my side, I won't be looking for a job quite yet, because my hands are so full with the kids. I may do music lessons once we move (a distinct possibility), and maybe return to Pampered Chef next fall or in a year or so. But I need to consider moving Isaac to a new school, praying that the program is as good as or at least comparable to Wood Lane (I've heard good and bad about Good Samaritan, the school in Defiance). Then there is Emma, who starts preschool in the fall. Do we consider the county preschool for her (that would be at Good Sam), or something else?
I've been studying Oswald Chambers' book, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, starting this week. Yesterday's devotional spoke hard to me:
"He went out, not knowing whither he went." Hebrews 11:8
Chambers writes this: 'Have you been "out" in this way? If so, there is no logical statement possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the difficulties in Christian work is this question -- "What do you expect to do?" You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually revise your attitude towards God and see if it is a going out of everything, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in perpetual wonder -- you do not know what God is going to do next. Each morning you wake it is going to be a "going out", building in confidence on God. "Take no thought for your life, ...nor yet for your body" -- take no thought for the things for which you did take thought before you "went out".'
'Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you go out in surrender to Him until you are not surprised an atom at anything He does?'
'Suppose God is the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him -- what an impertinence worry is! let the attitude of your life be a continual "going out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have an ineffable charm about it which is a satisfaction to Jesus. you have to learn to go out of convictions, out of creeds, out of experiences, until so far as your faith is concerned, there is nothing between yourself and God.'
Holy Cow! I thank God for men like Oswald Chambers, who wrote from his heart, out of his experiences. I want to "go out"...daily. Lord, you helped my belief in 2006. Now help my unbelief.
That's what we are smack dab in the midst of right now. We are loving the fact that we are assistant pastors in Defiance. Sure, there are the normal problems, but nothing we can't handle with the love of God. For the majority, the people are hungry, the church is on the move...and we fit right in like family members.
Now here's the rub...we live over 30 miles away from the church...more like 35-40 miles. That's a heck of a trek every Sunday, let alone other times of the week. Since we are at the YMCA now for services, we are setting up on Saturday nights. That's hard for us to get there at the drop of a hat, and even if we can make it, the gas money will soon kill us. Now I'm coordinating kids' ministries on Sunday morning, and I'd like to, eventually, be close by the do visitation, etc. during the week. The midweek kids' and youth ministries (Russ' babies) are starting soon, and then, once warm weather returns, we are planning a LOT of outreach activities. Add those miles up sometime. It's mind-blowing. Now I'm checking with Pastor about "Sweet Mondays", the ladies' group. If no one is heading it up, I'd like to. My mom did it, why can't I? And Russ wants the mens' prayer breakfast to "Break Out"as soon as it can...but we are far away. Every time we men tion to Pastor Larry that we can do this or that, he shuts us down, saying that we'll wait until we live closer.
Russ has already applied for some jobs. He hasn't heard anything, but it has also been a holiday week, plus we had holiday shutdowns for the funeral of former President Gerald Ford. It could take some extra time. He has also registered with the Job Services in Defiance, and could hear something from them anytime.
On my side, I won't be looking for a job quite yet, because my hands are so full with the kids. I may do music lessons once we move (a distinct possibility), and maybe return to Pampered Chef next fall or in a year or so. But I need to consider moving Isaac to a new school, praying that the program is as good as or at least comparable to Wood Lane (I've heard good and bad about Good Samaritan, the school in Defiance). Then there is Emma, who starts preschool in the fall. Do we consider the county preschool for her (that would be at Good Sam), or something else?
I've been studying Oswald Chambers' book, MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, starting this week. Yesterday's devotional spoke hard to me:
"He went out, not knowing whither he went." Hebrews 11:8
Chambers writes this: 'Have you been "out" in this way? If so, there is no logical statement possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. One of the difficulties in Christian work is this question -- "What do you expect to do?" You do not know what you are going to do; the only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually revise your attitude towards God and see if it is a going out of everything, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in perpetual wonder -- you do not know what God is going to do next. Each morning you wake it is going to be a "going out", building in confidence on God. "Take no thought for your life, ...nor yet for your body" -- take no thought for the things for which you did take thought before you "went out".'
'Have you been asking God what He is going to do? He will never tell you. God does not tell you what He is going to do; He reveals to you Who He is. Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you go out in surrender to Him until you are not surprised an atom at anything He does?'
'Suppose God is the God you know Him to be when you are nearest to Him -- what an impertinence worry is! let the attitude of your life be a continual "going out" in dependence upon God, and your life will have an ineffable charm about it which is a satisfaction to Jesus. you have to learn to go out of convictions, out of creeds, out of experiences, until so far as your faith is concerned, there is nothing between yourself and God.'
Holy Cow! I thank God for men like Oswald Chambers, who wrote from his heart, out of his experiences. I want to "go out"...daily. Lord, you helped my belief in 2006. Now help my unbelief.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Have a blessed one....everyone!
Here we are, in a brand new year. Where has the time gone?
Christmas was absolutely wonderful for us this year. The kids have gotten everything they wanted, from us, from Wood Lane, and from St. Louis Parish (the latter two both adopted us for the holidays....phenomenal!). A lot of their presents have been musical instruments, keyboards, a guitar (actually, that's coming today at my family get-together), and microphones. Is someone trying to make us a family band? Daddy got his MP3, Momma got her new under-the-counter coffee maker and a stand mixer. Plus, right now all of us are pretty healthy. We are blessed. Isn't that what really matters? Not the gifts...but the blessings from God. We have them brand new every day!
Lord, the rest of this blog I am talking to You. You know I don't usually make resolutions, because they never last long. but last year I started something, and it worked out pretty well, so I intend to do it again. I have a theme verse for this new year, 2007, and it is one that I will meditate on every day, along with a lot of related verses. My theme this year is taking me back to the very basics of communication with You... prayer. My life, starting here, starting now, is totally based on prayer.
"My people, my God-defined people, (if you) respond by humbling yourselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning your backs on your wicked lives, I'll be there ready for you; I'll listen from heaven, forgive your sins, and restore your land to health..."
II Chronicles 7:14 ("The Message)
Most of the time, Lord, I know this scripture best as what follows, particularly because there were a couple of songs written around it:
"If my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
Prayer is the beginning of everything in our lives, or rather, it should be. Everything this family of mine wants to do in this new year, and from here on out will start with talking to You, God, and getting Your blessing, or it just won't happen. Period. I'm not talking about those common sense things, like, "Should I go to the bathroom now, God, or should I wait?" In those cases, if you gotta go, you gotta go! But in all the IMPORTANT, life-changing aspects of our lives at home, at school, at work, at church...You, God, will begin them.
I know full well, Lord, that You have also take both Russ and I to this scripture:
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
Psalm 127:1
Look at how the Message lays it out:
"If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn't guard the city, the night watchmen might as well nap".
You've also shown us the story of Moses in Exodus 33:
"Moses said to the Lord, 'You have been telling me, 'Lead these people', but You have not let me know whom You will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If You are so pleased with me, teach me Your ways so that I may know You and continue to find favor with You. Remember that this nation is Your people.' The Lord replied, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to Him, 'If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that You are pleased with me and with Your people unless You go with us? What else will distinguish me and Your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?' And the Lord said to Moses, 'I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.' Then Moses said, 'Now show me Your glory.'
I don't ever want to get ahead of God. He has made himself so real to me in 2006; He has proven his power and His presence to me numerous times, in such real, practical ways that I could almost hear Him breathing. He's real, and my life with Him needs to be real, open, honest. And His presence needs to be with me every step of the way.
Isn't it that way for us all? I wonder how many people ever really consider how much they do without God? I see a few at our church now, that run of, "half-cocked" as my dad and mom used to say, doing what they think is the right thing to do, and barrelling down everyone in their path. It's not right, God. Our closeness with You, especially in this awful day and age, is VITAL. Why can't everyone see that?
Lord, be with Russ, and me, and with each of our kids in 2007. Be with all of us at First Assembly in Defiance. We know already some of the plans You have for us. Help us as we bring them to fruition. Be with us each and every step of the way. And thank You for always being there, for never changing. SHow me more of You, Lord. I really want to see Your glory. I need to see it. I need more of You. I love You, Lord...and I'll talk to You again.....VERY SOON.
More later..........
Christmas was absolutely wonderful for us this year. The kids have gotten everything they wanted, from us, from Wood Lane, and from St. Louis Parish (the latter two both adopted us for the holidays....phenomenal!). A lot of their presents have been musical instruments, keyboards, a guitar (actually, that's coming today at my family get-together), and microphones. Is someone trying to make us a family band? Daddy got his MP3, Momma got her new under-the-counter coffee maker and a stand mixer. Plus, right now all of us are pretty healthy. We are blessed. Isn't that what really matters? Not the gifts...but the blessings from God. We have them brand new every day!
Lord, the rest of this blog I am talking to You. You know I don't usually make resolutions, because they never last long. but last year I started something, and it worked out pretty well, so I intend to do it again. I have a theme verse for this new year, 2007, and it is one that I will meditate on every day, along with a lot of related verses. My theme this year is taking me back to the very basics of communication with You... prayer. My life, starting here, starting now, is totally based on prayer.
"My people, my God-defined people, (if you) respond by humbling yourselves, praying, seeking my presence, and turning your backs on your wicked lives, I'll be there ready for you; I'll listen from heaven, forgive your sins, and restore your land to health..."
II Chronicles 7:14 ("The Message)
Most of the time, Lord, I know this scripture best as what follows, particularly because there were a couple of songs written around it:
"If my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."
Prayer is the beginning of everything in our lives, or rather, it should be. Everything this family of mine wants to do in this new year, and from here on out will start with talking to You, God, and getting Your blessing, or it just won't happen. Period. I'm not talking about those common sense things, like, "Should I go to the bathroom now, God, or should I wait?" In those cases, if you gotta go, you gotta go! But in all the IMPORTANT, life-changing aspects of our lives at home, at school, at work, at church...You, God, will begin them.
I know full well, Lord, that You have also take both Russ and I to this scripture:
"Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."
Psalm 127:1
Look at how the Message lays it out:
"If God doesn't build the house, the builders only build shacks. If God doesn't guard the city, the night watchmen might as well nap".
You've also shown us the story of Moses in Exodus 33:
"Moses said to the Lord, 'You have been telling me, 'Lead these people', but You have not let me know whom You will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If You are so pleased with me, teach me Your ways so that I may know You and continue to find favor with You. Remember that this nation is Your people.' The Lord replied, 'My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.' Then Moses said to Him, 'If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that You are pleased with me and with Your people unless You go with us? What else will distinguish me and Your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?' And the Lord said to Moses, 'I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.' Then Moses said, 'Now show me Your glory.'
I don't ever want to get ahead of God. He has made himself so real to me in 2006; He has proven his power and His presence to me numerous times, in such real, practical ways that I could almost hear Him breathing. He's real, and my life with Him needs to be real, open, honest. And His presence needs to be with me every step of the way.
Isn't it that way for us all? I wonder how many people ever really consider how much they do without God? I see a few at our church now, that run of, "half-cocked" as my dad and mom used to say, doing what they think is the right thing to do, and barrelling down everyone in their path. It's not right, God. Our closeness with You, especially in this awful day and age, is VITAL. Why can't everyone see that?
Lord, be with Russ, and me, and with each of our kids in 2007. Be with all of us at First Assembly in Defiance. We know already some of the plans You have for us. Help us as we bring them to fruition. Be with us each and every step of the way. And thank You for always being there, for never changing. SHow me more of You, Lord. I really want to see Your glory. I need to see it. I need more of You. I love You, Lord...and I'll talk to You again.....VERY SOON.
More later..........
Monday, December 18, 2006
I'm dreaming of a VERY COLD CHRISTMAS!!!
Boy, do we ever need a really hard freeze around here! Flu season is well underway, and it has HIT the Ewing clan big time. Isaac ended up in the hospital the end of last week with some type of virus that no one could name, dehydrated, running a fever. Then Sunday afternoon (yesterday), I started with a fever, stuffy nose, lots of YUCK! Ronnie has had a runny nose forever, it seems, but he is also teething constantly right now, so we're not sure if that flu or not. Russ had a bad day last Monday with just feeling overall gross. And now today, actually very early this morning, Emma came to us with a 102 temperature, vomiting. Yay! Praise the Lord! I could really do with a hand taking care of all this, but who wants to pollute anyone else? I just hope we didn't pollute anyone at church yesterday. Thankfully, it was a short service, with the childrens' Christmas program. But we spent a lot of the afternoon with Pastor, Connie and the kids. I pray that they stay healthy.
To add to all of it, tomorrow is Isaac's 6th birthday, and Saturday is Emma's third birthday. Who wants to be sick on Christmas, let alone on your birthday?
Health, Lord, PLEASE!!!!!
More later...
To add to all of it, tomorrow is Isaac's 6th birthday, and Saturday is Emma's third birthday. Who wants to be sick on Christmas, let alone on your birthday?
Health, Lord, PLEASE!!!!!
More later...
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I can see this is going to be a challenge!
Blogging every day is going to take some work, that is obvious! I didn't have a single chance last week when Isaac was in the hospital, and, in getting ready for the holidays, those chances are even fewer. ORGANIZE, SHARI, ORGANIZE!
Last week was a really rough one. Isaac had to try and stay in bed, wired to some 35-45 leads and an EEG machine, while a video camera rolled. Everyone tried to help, except for one night shift nurse, who preferred to refer to Isaac as "The child" or "it" (complaints were filed, don't worry), but, bless his heart, he just didn't want to do it. We finally made it the 72 hours; but, when the bandages and the leads were removed, the adhesive had caused 35 to 45 little blisters all over his little head. He practically ran to the fifth floor bathtub, and then he just laid in the water, and literally soaked his head! Now we wait for results, to see if medication will be required for his seizures. I'll be calling the doctors next week for the results, since our official appointment is not until the end of January.
Next week are Isaac's and Emma's birthdays. We have agreed as a family that the "PARTY" won't be held until January. We are renting out Wood Lane's pool and cafeteria for an afternoon. Details will be forthcoming!
Emma is so excited about the holidays this year, but I think she has already received one of the best presents of all. The day after Thanksgiving, she and I were talking about what she wanted from Santa Claus, and when I said, "Emmy, what will you ask Santy for this year?", her answer was simple and straightforward: "I want my grandma". After I shed a lot of tears, and asked God for a LOT of guidance, I got a call from my Aunt Linda (Mom's sister). She wanted to know if Emma wanted to spend the week of the 4th (the week Isaac was in the hospital) with her and Uncle Gary in Defiance. She said that she knew Emma wanted a grandma, and she would be grandma for her. Emma was thrilled, and she ended up having a great time with her new grandparents. God gave Emma the gift of a lifetime, and I thank Him for that! But now, when Emma gets in trouble with me or Daddy, she says she wants to go live with Grandpa and Grandma! We've created a monster!
Ronnie is growing so fast. He clearly speaks a few words now, and the walking is only days away. I guess that I was spoiled by having a baby boy for so long with Isaac. Now I think about Isaac going into primary classes in the fall, Emma starting preschool at the same time (if I can get her potty-trained!), and now Ronnie growing by leaps and bounds. God, grant me the serenity...
I LOVE THE DEFIANCE CHURCH AND ITS PEOPLE! Oh, I know they are not perfect, no one is. But I threw a fleece at God's feet when we first started this journey as their associate pastors a couple of weeks ago. I asked God to make Russ and I feel like we were home. Every single service has brought some kind of a "HOME" reminder.....music, people, people's names (like "Sister Flossie"...Anyone from back home remembers Mrs. Moon!), songs sung in special music (this last Sunday, a lady who reminds me of a country-version of Mom sang our old theme song from the Hartsock Trio days...."He Is Here". I stood at the back of the sanctuary with Ronnie (who is teething BIG time), and I shed huge tears. When I could handle it, I sang my harmony part. It truly brought me home, if only for a few moments.
And we love Pastor Larry and Connie and their family. We are going out on a double date, if you will, tomorrow night. We have so much in common, and we get along so well.
NOW...We see where God is leading. But we also see that the path would be made easier for us (financially, etc.) if we lived in the Defiance area.
STEP ONE: Russ needs a full-time job in the Defiance county area.
then, STEP TWO: We can think about moving there, maybe actually finding a house.
We have stopped plans to move to Grand Rapids. I think the offer from that mobile home park was just as it looked -- too good to be true. I also don't believe that our trailer could withstand the move very well. Russ and Tim replaced our front door framing last week.....All of it was rotted wood. Much of our flooring has rotted wood underneath it, too. I had a dream last night that we were moving the trailer, and it fell apart traveling down the highway! AAGH!
God, here is our prayer: open doors, Lord. We don't mean to put You on a time clock, but the sooner, the better. We have so many kids and young people to reach in the Defiance area, and, Lord, You know all too well that the time is short. Get us there safely, God.
Anyone reading this who is in that area, or near that area, and knows of a job, and then eventually a house.....PLEASE let us know!!!!!
More later......
Last week was a really rough one. Isaac had to try and stay in bed, wired to some 35-45 leads and an EEG machine, while a video camera rolled. Everyone tried to help, except for one night shift nurse, who preferred to refer to Isaac as "The child" or "it" (complaints were filed, don't worry), but, bless his heart, he just didn't want to do it. We finally made it the 72 hours; but, when the bandages and the leads were removed, the adhesive had caused 35 to 45 little blisters all over his little head. He practically ran to the fifth floor bathtub, and then he just laid in the water, and literally soaked his head! Now we wait for results, to see if medication will be required for his seizures. I'll be calling the doctors next week for the results, since our official appointment is not until the end of January.
Next week are Isaac's and Emma's birthdays. We have agreed as a family that the "PARTY" won't be held until January. We are renting out Wood Lane's pool and cafeteria for an afternoon. Details will be forthcoming!
Emma is so excited about the holidays this year, but I think she has already received one of the best presents of all. The day after Thanksgiving, she and I were talking about what she wanted from Santa Claus, and when I said, "Emmy, what will you ask Santy for this year?", her answer was simple and straightforward: "I want my grandma". After I shed a lot of tears, and asked God for a LOT of guidance, I got a call from my Aunt Linda (Mom's sister). She wanted to know if Emma wanted to spend the week of the 4th (the week Isaac was in the hospital) with her and Uncle Gary in Defiance. She said that she knew Emma wanted a grandma, and she would be grandma for her. Emma was thrilled, and she ended up having a great time with her new grandparents. God gave Emma the gift of a lifetime, and I thank Him for that! But now, when Emma gets in trouble with me or Daddy, she says she wants to go live with Grandpa and Grandma! We've created a monster!
Ronnie is growing so fast. He clearly speaks a few words now, and the walking is only days away. I guess that I was spoiled by having a baby boy for so long with Isaac. Now I think about Isaac going into primary classes in the fall, Emma starting preschool at the same time (if I can get her potty-trained!), and now Ronnie growing by leaps and bounds. God, grant me the serenity...
I LOVE THE DEFIANCE CHURCH AND ITS PEOPLE! Oh, I know they are not perfect, no one is. But I threw a fleece at God's feet when we first started this journey as their associate pastors a couple of weeks ago. I asked God to make Russ and I feel like we were home. Every single service has brought some kind of a "HOME" reminder.....music, people, people's names (like "Sister Flossie"...Anyone from back home remembers Mrs. Moon!), songs sung in special music (this last Sunday, a lady who reminds me of a country-version of Mom sang our old theme song from the Hartsock Trio days...."He Is Here". I stood at the back of the sanctuary with Ronnie (who is teething BIG time), and I shed huge tears. When I could handle it, I sang my harmony part. It truly brought me home, if only for a few moments.
And we love Pastor Larry and Connie and their family. We are going out on a double date, if you will, tomorrow night. We have so much in common, and we get along so well.
NOW...We see where God is leading. But we also see that the path would be made easier for us (financially, etc.) if we lived in the Defiance area.
STEP ONE: Russ needs a full-time job in the Defiance county area.
then, STEP TWO: We can think about moving there, maybe actually finding a house.
We have stopped plans to move to Grand Rapids. I think the offer from that mobile home park was just as it looked -- too good to be true. I also don't believe that our trailer could withstand the move very well. Russ and Tim replaced our front door framing last week.....All of it was rotted wood. Much of our flooring has rotted wood underneath it, too. I had a dream last night that we were moving the trailer, and it fell apart traveling down the highway! AAGH!
God, here is our prayer: open doors, Lord. We don't mean to put You on a time clock, but the sooner, the better. We have so many kids and young people to reach in the Defiance area, and, Lord, You know all too well that the time is short. Get us there safely, God.
Anyone reading this who is in that area, or near that area, and knows of a job, and then eventually a house.....PLEASE let us know!!!!!
More later......
Monday, November 27, 2006
Here we go....
Well, I guess it is safe to say that I am bad at being committed to doing this blog! Another month has gone by, and so many changes at hand. I want to at least add something every day, like some other terrific blogs I've read. Let's see if I can keep that early New Year resolution.
Isaac has epilepsy. Short, sweet, right to the point. We found out that a recent EEG came back abnormal. Next week, he goes into the hospital (Mommy, too!) for a 72 hour videotaped EEG so that Dr. Nagel, his neurologist, can begin to confirm how serious, or rather how involved this is. Am I upset? Of course. But here is a great quote from a pastor friend I know......If you can stand the pull, God will pull you through. God is here, ight here beside us, and He keeps proving that day after day, even when I have one of those days (you know what I mean) when I feel so alone that it is unbearable. He promised to be here, and He is. Plain and simple.
More changes: We are NOT going to Solid Rock Ministries now. Their finances and the attitudes of some of their people made the addition of Russ to their pastoral staff impossible, and practically painful. No one knew who we were, because no one wanted to tell the congregation that there was a new staff pastor (even if he was unpaid). The current pastors were concerned that people wouldn't understand bringing on anybody new since they were financially strapped, and beginning to lay off some staff members, including the senior pastor's wife. So the decision was an easy one to come to, and very mutual between us and the church. We at first decided to return to Dayspring. Now all that has changed, too.
We have been continuing to send info to a church in St. Marys who is in need of a senior pastor. We needed a tape of one of Russ' sermons. So...we contacted an old friend, Pastor Larry Grow, in Defiance (only a half hour away). A couple of weeks ago, we went and ministered to them on a Wednesday night, and it was great. Pastor Larry taped it, and we sent the tape on to New Community Church. We haven't heard a thing from them. But the more Russ and I prayed about it, the more we felt led to call Pastor Larry, and ask if we could help in the ministry there at First Assembly. He was thrilled, to say the least, and so were we when he said to "come on over!". He is talking to his board (a great bunch of guys) about giving us a gas allowance. The family there in Defiance is leaving their building (an old UCC church, landlocked and HIGHLY unaccessible) as of Christmas Eve. We will be going to the YMCA after that. In about a year, the church will begin to look for land to build. Until then, it is "church plant city" for all of us! Russ and I love that kind of situation! Outreach, local mission, getting the Word out to the people of the Defiance area......let's go!
We had our first Sunday there yesterday. We are POOPED today! It makes for a long day, but we can do this. We'll see how God leads as far as us moving closer to them. I already feel that pull. Russ is a little slower to getting that connection, but give him time! The opportunity for ministry is great, the acceptance of our family is even greater...we love First Assembly in Defiance! I started the ball rolling to get our memberships transferred from Dayspring this morning. We had already come to the decision that our time at Dayspring was ending. Recent "treatment" of Isaac was making that decision a clear one, unfortunately. We just needed God's leading elsewhere. A simple phone call on Saturday (just two days ago) illuminated that path for the Ewing Family.
Do we still feel any call toward St. Marys? I really cannot say one way or another right now, and that is sad. I do know that we have a lot of trepidation about going back to my home area. We were burned so badly before. But God is in the "God Thing" business, and our lives have been full of that lately. I know He will lead us on....no matter what that means!
I'm also thinking about starting another blog...a recipe one, maybe. I'm finding some great stuff lately. I'm also thinking of doing one with devotional stuff. I need to combine this blog and my computer journal, though. I hate repeating myself. But I do love blogging, and I've seen some folks with more than one......why not me? Scary thought, though.....I'm bad enough as it is with ONE blog!
More later....
Isaac has epilepsy. Short, sweet, right to the point. We found out that a recent EEG came back abnormal. Next week, he goes into the hospital (Mommy, too!) for a 72 hour videotaped EEG so that Dr. Nagel, his neurologist, can begin to confirm how serious, or rather how involved this is. Am I upset? Of course. But here is a great quote from a pastor friend I know......If you can stand the pull, God will pull you through. God is here, ight here beside us, and He keeps proving that day after day, even when I have one of those days (you know what I mean) when I feel so alone that it is unbearable. He promised to be here, and He is. Plain and simple.
More changes: We are NOT going to Solid Rock Ministries now. Their finances and the attitudes of some of their people made the addition of Russ to their pastoral staff impossible, and practically painful. No one knew who we were, because no one wanted to tell the congregation that there was a new staff pastor (even if he was unpaid). The current pastors were concerned that people wouldn't understand bringing on anybody new since they were financially strapped, and beginning to lay off some staff members, including the senior pastor's wife. So the decision was an easy one to come to, and very mutual between us and the church. We at first decided to return to Dayspring. Now all that has changed, too.
We have been continuing to send info to a church in St. Marys who is in need of a senior pastor. We needed a tape of one of Russ' sermons. So...we contacted an old friend, Pastor Larry Grow, in Defiance (only a half hour away). A couple of weeks ago, we went and ministered to them on a Wednesday night, and it was great. Pastor Larry taped it, and we sent the tape on to New Community Church. We haven't heard a thing from them. But the more Russ and I prayed about it, the more we felt led to call Pastor Larry, and ask if we could help in the ministry there at First Assembly. He was thrilled, to say the least, and so were we when he said to "come on over!". He is talking to his board (a great bunch of guys) about giving us a gas allowance. The family there in Defiance is leaving their building (an old UCC church, landlocked and HIGHLY unaccessible) as of Christmas Eve. We will be going to the YMCA after that. In about a year, the church will begin to look for land to build. Until then, it is "church plant city" for all of us! Russ and I love that kind of situation! Outreach, local mission, getting the Word out to the people of the Defiance area......let's go!
We had our first Sunday there yesterday. We are POOPED today! It makes for a long day, but we can do this. We'll see how God leads as far as us moving closer to them. I already feel that pull. Russ is a little slower to getting that connection, but give him time! The opportunity for ministry is great, the acceptance of our family is even greater...we love First Assembly in Defiance! I started the ball rolling to get our memberships transferred from Dayspring this morning. We had already come to the decision that our time at Dayspring was ending. Recent "treatment" of Isaac was making that decision a clear one, unfortunately. We just needed God's leading elsewhere. A simple phone call on Saturday (just two days ago) illuminated that path for the Ewing Family.
Do we still feel any call toward St. Marys? I really cannot say one way or another right now, and that is sad. I do know that we have a lot of trepidation about going back to my home area. We were burned so badly before. But God is in the "God Thing" business, and our lives have been full of that lately. I know He will lead us on....no matter what that means!
I'm also thinking about starting another blog...a recipe one, maybe. I'm finding some great stuff lately. I'm also thinking of doing one with devotional stuff. I need to combine this blog and my computer journal, though. I hate repeating myself. But I do love blogging, and I've seen some folks with more than one......why not me? Scary thought, though.....I'm bad enough as it is with ONE blog!
More later....
Friday, October 20, 2006
This time is the charm...
We've done it again.....and this time, we thought and chose really wisely! We got a dog tonight. She (that's the first plus....I like female dogs better) is a ten-month-old Dalmatian, liver colored spots, and with one blue eye and one green eye. She is gorgeous, and her name is Miss Ellie. Here she is......and we love her!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
"God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great Your faithfulness!"
That is from Lamentations, chapter three, a verse that a lot of us are familiar with, just perhaps not from The Message version of the scriptures. But that is where I was readig this morning, as I awoke at 3:50 a.m. In actuality, I wasn't feeling well, but I took advantage of the time to check out the sunrise. Have you ever really done that? It was cloudy this morning, but the colors were so unreal, so beautiful. And they reminded me of how great God is, how He never gives up on us. Look at more of that chapter:
"I'm sticking with God "I say it over and over). he's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It is a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It is a good thing when you are young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions; wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense......"
Stick with Him. He won't let you down.........EVER. If you forget, watch the sunrise sometime. Or even, watch the sunset and remember that tomorrow is a new day!
That is from Lamentations, chapter three, a verse that a lot of us are familiar with, just perhaps not from The Message version of the scriptures. But that is where I was readig this morning, as I awoke at 3:50 a.m. In actuality, I wasn't feeling well, but I took advantage of the time to check out the sunrise. Have you ever really done that? It was cloudy this morning, but the colors were so unreal, so beautiful. And they reminded me of how great God is, how He never gives up on us. Look at more of that chapter:
"I'm sticking with God "I say it over and over). he's all I've got left. God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits, to the woman who diligently seeks. It is a good thing to quietly hope, quietly hope for help from God. It is a good thing when you are young to stick it out through the hard times. When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions; wait for hope to appear. Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst. Why? Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return. If He works severely, He also works tenderly. His stockpiles of loyal love are immense......"
Stick with Him. He won't let you down.........EVER. If you forget, watch the sunrise sometime. Or even, watch the sunset and remember that tomorrow is a new day!
ANOTHER CHANGE!!!!!
Well, here we go again! The associate pastorate at Solid Rock in Toledo is over. It lasted just over five weeks. The finances there are not good right now, and many staff members are being laid off, including the pastor's wife from her paid position. So Russ and I, and the kids, are returning to Dayspring. I've informed many folks there, and the love we are receiving back is tremendous!
I can't wait to sing again. It has been so long. I don't expect to walk right back into my worship team position, but I will sing in choir, and I'll sing special music. Maybe they'll let me fill in for worship team vacancies. We'll see. All I know is that I'm looking forward to it all!
More later...
I can't wait to sing again. It has been so long. I don't expect to walk right back into my worship team position, but I will sing in choir, and I'll sing special music. Maybe they'll let me fill in for worship team vacancies. We'll see. All I know is that I'm looking forward to it all!
More later...
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Here's an update at last!
Okay, okay...I know that it has been a while since I've updated this. But it is not like we've haven't had our hands completely full!
Let's begin with Ronnie...In less than three weeks, he will be one year old already. It seems absolutely impossible that a year has gone by already. He is a lightning bolt at crawling, and he has begun to pull himself up and take some steps, so independent walking is not far away! He is gorgeous, even if I do say so myself. And, best of all, he has a personality that just makes you LOVE him. He is always smiling, laughing, and he loves to tease his brother and sister!
Emma is a regular handful. We found out that her "fits" that she likes to throw DO run in the family quite a bit, both from Mom Ewing, and from Russ HIMSELF! But here is what is driving me to distraction. She gets into anything that isn't bolted down, and even those things that are, and they are always the messy things........makeup, craft paint, soap (liquid especially), lotions, sprays, perfumes, permanent markers...and the list goes on. At least now Daddy agrees to a little painting in this house! Our bedroom right now looks like Jackson Pollock has been practicing! (if you don't know who he is, do a little googling!!!! he was famous for his "drip" paintings!). She will apologize all over the place, and then she is back at it. So I've been spending a LOT of time rearranging the house, reorganizing everything (which I had to do anyway since "the boys" were in the charge of the house last month.....more in a moment), and locking lots of things away. It is painstaking!
Isaac is talking a mile a minute, and singing too! I wish I had the time to list some of the things he is saying and talking about, but it would be shorter to list the things he DOESN'T say! We are so proud of him! His teachers at Wood Lane love him, as does everybody at the school. They did notice some "zone out" periods in him last week, so he had an EEG done Tuesday to check for seizure activity. We should have results in about a week or two. Shouldn't be anything serious. If it was, we would have the results immediately!
Russ has had lots of changes. He is associate pastor at Solid Rock in Oregon now, and he has left Cherry Street Mission (he will, maybe, continue to fill in for vacations, sick time, etc). He is now a school bus driver (again) for Wood Lane. They are even telling him that the chances of him having a full time route of his own by NEXT WEEK is VERY possible. It is so nice to have him home on weekends and at night. He may also do some other work at the school or the industries to add some more hours!
And then....there's me. My last blog was in August, so may of you may not know about my two other surgeries. The first Saturday in August I collapsed after picking up Ronnie. The pain in my abdomen was unbelievable. I really thought it was appendicitis. But it turned out that I have had two very large hernias cooking in my gut for some time. One was inguinal, and shaped like an upside down South America, the other was umbilical, and was more than 5 inches in diameter. That surgery did help with much of the abdominal pain I've been having for months and months now. But then, after a week in the hospital, I was home for the weekend. On Monday, Russ rushed me back because of pain, vomiting, the whole thing. Turns out that my surgery areas had abscessed. That pain was beyond anything I have EVER felt. And I was so sick, and the nausea would not go away. So they performed a surgery where they put a drainage bag in my side. The initial drain (gross, I know) was almost 100 cc of fluid. Bless the Lord, the infection was not bad at all. So I went home on antibiotics, and still carrying the bag two days later. I had that bag for ten days. After that, I was still so nauseous all the time, and vomiting a lot more than I prefer. I was in and out of the ER for some time, until my family doctor and my psychiatrist hit on the answer: I was still on my antidepressants (lots of then). Remember how God had been delivering me from all of that mess? Well, it appears that He brought me to the place where I didn't need the Wellbutrin, and the Prozac, and the Provigil anymore! Once I stopped taking them, the illness went away! PTL for His healing. I believe that, and my doctors do, too!
Now for the latest: I just got over a bout of whooping cough (the second in my life, even though I was immunized for it!). Not fun at all, coughing until you are sick, or until you pass out. But now I am starting on the upswing. I still haven't been to Solid Rock for services, and I am looking forward to it!
Things may be changing even more for us. Solid Rock has been a very hard transition for Russ so far, especially with the fact that I haven't been able to attend with him yet, and we can't afford the gas money to get to some of the services during the week. Also, for some reason, Pastor Keith has not made an official announcement of our "being there" in ministry yet. Since we "tried out" in the summer, there are many who have no idea who we are, and they are giving Russ a really hard time.
Then, just in the past ten days, something else fell into our laps. We have subscribed to "churchstaffing.com" for a few weeks, and it just came up that a church back home in West Central Ohio, a church that houses MANY friends of ours, is in dire need of a senior pastor. they are a missionary church, so they are not very different from the AG. We have contacted them, they are excited, and we have sent them all kinds of info about the family and our ministry. We are looking forward now to their call for our visit with them. Pastor Keith knows about it, and is FULL support, especially since it appears that it is such a GOD THING! We will see.....I'll have to admit, Russ still feels a call to those people, and it would be nice to go home. The only difference in going back to my stomping ground now? My parents aren't around anymore...
Papi Tim is getting his own apartment in November. He is a very sick guy and needs lots of prayer. He has spots on his liver and lungs, and has begun chemotherapy. For a nearly 48 year old man, he looks much, much older......
That's about it. I'm missing chicken alfredo.......more later.........
How was that, Jolene? :-)
Let's begin with Ronnie...In less than three weeks, he will be one year old already. It seems absolutely impossible that a year has gone by already. He is a lightning bolt at crawling, and he has begun to pull himself up and take some steps, so independent walking is not far away! He is gorgeous, even if I do say so myself. And, best of all, he has a personality that just makes you LOVE him. He is always smiling, laughing, and he loves to tease his brother and sister!
Emma is a regular handful. We found out that her "fits" that she likes to throw DO run in the family quite a bit, both from Mom Ewing, and from Russ HIMSELF! But here is what is driving me to distraction. She gets into anything that isn't bolted down, and even those things that are, and they are always the messy things........makeup, craft paint, soap (liquid especially), lotions, sprays, perfumes, permanent markers...and the list goes on. At least now Daddy agrees to a little painting in this house! Our bedroom right now looks like Jackson Pollock has been practicing! (if you don't know who he is, do a little googling!!!! he was famous for his "drip" paintings!). She will apologize all over the place, and then she is back at it. So I've been spending a LOT of time rearranging the house, reorganizing everything (which I had to do anyway since "the boys" were in the charge of the house last month.....more in a moment), and locking lots of things away. It is painstaking!
Isaac is talking a mile a minute, and singing too! I wish I had the time to list some of the things he is saying and talking about, but it would be shorter to list the things he DOESN'T say! We are so proud of him! His teachers at Wood Lane love him, as does everybody at the school. They did notice some "zone out" periods in him last week, so he had an EEG done Tuesday to check for seizure activity. We should have results in about a week or two. Shouldn't be anything serious. If it was, we would have the results immediately!
Russ has had lots of changes. He is associate pastor at Solid Rock in Oregon now, and he has left Cherry Street Mission (he will, maybe, continue to fill in for vacations, sick time, etc). He is now a school bus driver (again) for Wood Lane. They are even telling him that the chances of him having a full time route of his own by NEXT WEEK is VERY possible. It is so nice to have him home on weekends and at night. He may also do some other work at the school or the industries to add some more hours!
And then....there's me. My last blog was in August, so may of you may not know about my two other surgeries. The first Saturday in August I collapsed after picking up Ronnie. The pain in my abdomen was unbelievable. I really thought it was appendicitis. But it turned out that I have had two very large hernias cooking in my gut for some time. One was inguinal, and shaped like an upside down South America, the other was umbilical, and was more than 5 inches in diameter. That surgery did help with much of the abdominal pain I've been having for months and months now. But then, after a week in the hospital, I was home for the weekend. On Monday, Russ rushed me back because of pain, vomiting, the whole thing. Turns out that my surgery areas had abscessed. That pain was beyond anything I have EVER felt. And I was so sick, and the nausea would not go away. So they performed a surgery where they put a drainage bag in my side. The initial drain (gross, I know) was almost 100 cc of fluid. Bless the Lord, the infection was not bad at all. So I went home on antibiotics, and still carrying the bag two days later. I had that bag for ten days. After that, I was still so nauseous all the time, and vomiting a lot more than I prefer. I was in and out of the ER for some time, until my family doctor and my psychiatrist hit on the answer: I was still on my antidepressants (lots of then). Remember how God had been delivering me from all of that mess? Well, it appears that He brought me to the place where I didn't need the Wellbutrin, and the Prozac, and the Provigil anymore! Once I stopped taking them, the illness went away! PTL for His healing. I believe that, and my doctors do, too!
Now for the latest: I just got over a bout of whooping cough (the second in my life, even though I was immunized for it!). Not fun at all, coughing until you are sick, or until you pass out. But now I am starting on the upswing. I still haven't been to Solid Rock for services, and I am looking forward to it!
Things may be changing even more for us. Solid Rock has been a very hard transition for Russ so far, especially with the fact that I haven't been able to attend with him yet, and we can't afford the gas money to get to some of the services during the week. Also, for some reason, Pastor Keith has not made an official announcement of our "being there" in ministry yet. Since we "tried out" in the summer, there are many who have no idea who we are, and they are giving Russ a really hard time.
Then, just in the past ten days, something else fell into our laps. We have subscribed to "churchstaffing.com" for a few weeks, and it just came up that a church back home in West Central Ohio, a church that houses MANY friends of ours, is in dire need of a senior pastor. they are a missionary church, so they are not very different from the AG. We have contacted them, they are excited, and we have sent them all kinds of info about the family and our ministry. We are looking forward now to their call for our visit with them. Pastor Keith knows about it, and is FULL support, especially since it appears that it is such a GOD THING! We will see.....I'll have to admit, Russ still feels a call to those people, and it would be nice to go home. The only difference in going back to my stomping ground now? My parents aren't around anymore...
Papi Tim is getting his own apartment in November. He is a very sick guy and needs lots of prayer. He has spots on his liver and lungs, and has begun chemotherapy. For a nearly 48 year old man, he looks much, much older......
That's about it. I'm missing chicken alfredo.......more later.........
How was that, Jolene? :-)
Monday, August 28, 2006
Another miracle....thank You, Lord!
There are times when I think of the words to the old song (well, the Gaither Vocal Band has re-recorded it, so it's not that old, I guess) that was written by Kris Kristofferson.
"Why me, Lord? What have I ever done to deserve even one of the pleasures I've known?
Tell me, Lord. What did I ever do that was worth loving You, or the kindness You've shown?"
"Try me, Lord, if You think there's a way I could try to repay all I've taken from You.
Then maybe, Lord, I could show someone else what I've been through myself on my way back to you."
"Lord, help me, Jesus, I've wasted it so, help me, Jesus; I know what I am.
But now that I know that I've needed You so, help me, Jesus. My soul's in Your hands."
Why do I think of those words? Well, I look at the ways that God has touched my life, and the lives of my family, beginning with grandparents, then Mom and Dad (especially Dad healthwise, and Mom talentwise), and then me, Russ, and the kids.....and I can't believe that the God of the entire universe would love me so much that He would even look my way, let alone love me so much to give His life for me, and to show me Himself in such brilliant ways.
It happened again just the other week. A few blogs ago, I recounted a healing service where I am sure that God began the process of delivering me from the mental problems that I have had all of my life (go back a little in case you missed it!). Well, things have been so different, so much clearer for me. yet it is a day to day, step by step process. I have had some really awful moments since then, multiplied by the thought that "Hey, I thought God healed me of this! What's going on?"
Then my physical health has not been good, and I've finally been honest enough to say that it hasn't been good for nearly 12 months now. It began six months into the pregnancy with Ronnie, and worsened considerably immediately after his birth. Pain, bad pain in my head, hips, abdomen..."monthly" bleeding that was like bleeding to death. I actually was wearing Depends to help with that, and it was lasting 9 to 10 days every month, almost every three weeks. I've always been slightly anemic; anybody can tell that by looking at how pale I am, even after being in the sun. But the anemia is horrible. My iron count is terribly low, and I look it!
SO, about four or five weeks back, I had surgery. The OB-GYN tried to do a pap smear/check-up on me the Friday before, and found that my uterus was the size of that of a woman who was 23-24 weeks pregnant. the problem is.....I can't be pregnant, and I wasn't. There was "something " in there that was keeping her from even entering my uterus....and the pain.....AAGH!
So she performed a "removal", a "D and C", and an ablation, which literally means that she caulderized the entire inner lining of my uterus. What she removed was a LARGE amount of fleshy tissue, about the size of two softballs. It took almost two weeks to discover that they were NOT cancerous (they sent them to Cleveland Clinic, due to their size and hardness). But now, the anemia continues. I haven't had a period yet, and I may not. This may send me into menopause (FINE BY ME!) and that could be part of the problem. I am wiped out, and have been for almost a month now!
It came down to a Friday afternoon when I had had enough. Russ was so busy with the mission, working third shift, getting rest, and interviewing for a pastoral job, and he just wasn't giving me a lot of help around the house and with the kids. The kids were being normal toddlers, and were driving me up one wall, and back down again, over and over again.
Long story short.....which is impossible with me.....here is an e-mail I sent to our pastor that tells the story of possibly the greatest afternoon of my life to this point:
Actually, it had been building up for several months, with all of the illness and such that I've since six months into my pregnancy with Ronnie. It was exactly 12 months ago when the pain, etc. began, and continues. It is part of what they are checking into now, with my anemia, and everything else. At least, Praise the Lord, we know it is not cancer. That much is done. But, no matter what I do right now, I am tired, I am hurting and aching, and I am struggling.
But on Friday, I came to a breaking point, a literal moment when my mind and body said, "I quit". I couldn't stand the hurting any longer, I had kept a smile on my face for too long, in my opinion. The kids were driving me up a wall and back down again, as little ones will do. Russ was sleeping, as he does quite a bit with this third shift position. SO.....I was on my own, and I was ready to stop everything. Suicidal? To some extent, yes. I just longed for rest and relaxation. I just wanted someone to talk everything over with, someone very close to me and the situation. Russ was in bed, the kids are too young, my sister lives too far away and I can't afford the long distance, my parents and my in-laws are all in heaven now. I felt totally alone, and I wanted nothing more than to be with the one best friend that I had besides Jesus and Russ. I wanted my mom very badly. To say that I was in tears is making light of the entire situation. All I could think of was the way we used to go out for lunch, or "just for fun" shopping, and how we would talk our heads off. I thought about how I always picked up the phone and called Mom to let her know my latest news. Always. I couldn't stand it. It was extreme physical exhaustion, leading to a problem with my bipolar past, and I had NOTHING to give.....I mean absolutely nothing. So I was crying, and I was journaling on our laptop, as I tend to do A LOT! I had just written these words:
"I just need to talk to a friend, a close friend. Oh, I know that Jesus hears me. I've known that all my life...all my life, even when I wasn't really walking with Him. But right now, my faith is ebbing very low. It's like the old saying, "The heavens are as brass". It doesn't even feel like He's real right now. I pray, and all I hear is "bang, bang, bang" as the prayers come right back down and attack me".
As I pressed the period key on the computer, the phone rang. I picked up the phone, and, as usual, looked at the caller ID. I didn't know the name from Adam, so I decided not to answer. I figured if it was important, they'd call back. I didn't even make it back to the laptop before the phone rang again. Same number, same caller...so I gave in and answered.
Turns out it was Hilde Zeglen, one of the ladies who had prayed for me, and shared with me, and anointed me, and more at one of the Thursday night Healing Services several weeks ago. I shared with you about that night and the deliverance I experienced. She was calling to find out the name of the Christian psychiatrist and counselor that I go to, so that she could refer a friend of hers to them. After I gave her the information, she began to share with me lots of things, beginning with her enjoyment of my singing and music ministry, and ending with a recap of that prayer service.
She reminded me of the pledge made that night, that everyone there would pray for me everytime God brought me to their mind, so that they could be my Aaron and my Hur, and so that they could hold me up, as those men held up the arms of Moses during his weakened moments. And she said that God had brought me to her mind Friday morning. And then it began. She began to speak to me the things that God had given to her directly for my benefit.
Long story short, the things that she shared with me...only God knew those things. She had even made some notes in her Bible to share with me at sometime, and God told her Friday afternoon that NOW was the time. But she literally repeated to me everything that I had EVER been through, even going back to my toddler years, and she repeated the very things that I had been thinking, my fears, my weaknesses....all of it, down to the exact words that I had prayed to the Lord. The EXACT wording. I was flabbergasted, Pastor. If God hadn't told her those things, then she would have had to have been a fly on the walls of my mind!
Then she began to share with me the same Scriptures that some ladies shared with me at the altar a couple of Sundays ago....the same verses.....the same words. She shared with me from the 23rd Psalm, and how God WAS protecting me, with His rod and His staff...even in the very midst of all of my enemies, physical and supernatural.
Then she said that God knew that I doubted that He really heard me, that I had been thinking that prayer was really just for us, to help our faith, and that He didn't have time to really hear, that the "heavens were brass" (sound familiar?), and she said, "Shari, He's been there all along. He was there...." and she began to share specific moments in my life, again...ONLY GOD COULD HAVE KNOWN THOSE THINGS.
She asked me to find some oil and to anoint myself. Russ always keeps some anointing oil in the house, so I did as she asked. And she prayed "the house down", as some would say. And with every word, God became so real... I could feel His literal presence in the room. I could feel a literal touch. I've never been there before...I couldn't rise from my chair, and didn't for a LONG time on Friday. Once we ended the phone call (which was quite a while), I returned to the laptop, but all I could type was "wow wow wow wow"......
:)
I thank God for the Prayer Center, and for those people who are on the prayer teams. I am one who can truly say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have been physically and spiritually CHANGED and STRENGTHENED by the presence of Almighty God in that place, and in its people.
I can't help but talk about this. I've shared it everywhere (doctor's offices, friends' houses, neighbors, strangers). I cannot wait until I get another chance to share it. He is God alone......He was........He is.......and He forever will be! I know that my healing is a process, and that's fine. But I now have the strength (not my strength, because I have NONE) to go on. He is with us, every minute, listening and hearing everything, no matter who we are or what we are going through. The God of Creation is with ME...
See what I mean? How could I ever deserve all that He has done? But thank the Lord, He makes me His child, worthy of His love. Just the fact that His presence is ALWAYS with me, even at this moment, absolutely blows me away!
How close is He to you today? Closer than you think....or as close as you allow Him to be....
More later....
"Why me, Lord? What have I ever done to deserve even one of the pleasures I've known?
Tell me, Lord. What did I ever do that was worth loving You, or the kindness You've shown?"
"Try me, Lord, if You think there's a way I could try to repay all I've taken from You.
Then maybe, Lord, I could show someone else what I've been through myself on my way back to you."
"Lord, help me, Jesus, I've wasted it so, help me, Jesus; I know what I am.
But now that I know that I've needed You so, help me, Jesus. My soul's in Your hands."
Why do I think of those words? Well, I look at the ways that God has touched my life, and the lives of my family, beginning with grandparents, then Mom and Dad (especially Dad healthwise, and Mom talentwise), and then me, Russ, and the kids.....and I can't believe that the God of the entire universe would love me so much that He would even look my way, let alone love me so much to give His life for me, and to show me Himself in such brilliant ways.
It happened again just the other week. A few blogs ago, I recounted a healing service where I am sure that God began the process of delivering me from the mental problems that I have had all of my life (go back a little in case you missed it!). Well, things have been so different, so much clearer for me. yet it is a day to day, step by step process. I have had some really awful moments since then, multiplied by the thought that "Hey, I thought God healed me of this! What's going on?"
Then my physical health has not been good, and I've finally been honest enough to say that it hasn't been good for nearly 12 months now. It began six months into the pregnancy with Ronnie, and worsened considerably immediately after his birth. Pain, bad pain in my head, hips, abdomen..."monthly" bleeding that was like bleeding to death. I actually was wearing Depends to help with that, and it was lasting 9 to 10 days every month, almost every three weeks. I've always been slightly anemic; anybody can tell that by looking at how pale I am, even after being in the sun. But the anemia is horrible. My iron count is terribly low, and I look it!
SO, about four or five weeks back, I had surgery. The OB-GYN tried to do a pap smear/check-up on me the Friday before, and found that my uterus was the size of that of a woman who was 23-24 weeks pregnant. the problem is.....I can't be pregnant, and I wasn't. There was "something " in there that was keeping her from even entering my uterus....and the pain.....AAGH!
So she performed a "removal", a "D and C", and an ablation, which literally means that she caulderized the entire inner lining of my uterus. What she removed was a LARGE amount of fleshy tissue, about the size of two softballs. It took almost two weeks to discover that they were NOT cancerous (they sent them to Cleveland Clinic, due to their size and hardness). But now, the anemia continues. I haven't had a period yet, and I may not. This may send me into menopause (FINE BY ME!) and that could be part of the problem. I am wiped out, and have been for almost a month now!
It came down to a Friday afternoon when I had had enough. Russ was so busy with the mission, working third shift, getting rest, and interviewing for a pastoral job, and he just wasn't giving me a lot of help around the house and with the kids. The kids were being normal toddlers, and were driving me up one wall, and back down again, over and over again.
Long story short.....which is impossible with me.....here is an e-mail I sent to our pastor that tells the story of possibly the greatest afternoon of my life to this point:
Actually, it had been building up for several months, with all of the illness and such that I've since six months into my pregnancy with Ronnie. It was exactly 12 months ago when the pain, etc. began, and continues. It is part of what they are checking into now, with my anemia, and everything else. At least, Praise the Lord, we know it is not cancer. That much is done. But, no matter what I do right now, I am tired, I am hurting and aching, and I am struggling.
But on Friday, I came to a breaking point, a literal moment when my mind and body said, "I quit". I couldn't stand the hurting any longer, I had kept a smile on my face for too long, in my opinion. The kids were driving me up a wall and back down again, as little ones will do. Russ was sleeping, as he does quite a bit with this third shift position. SO.....I was on my own, and I was ready to stop everything. Suicidal? To some extent, yes. I just longed for rest and relaxation. I just wanted someone to talk everything over with, someone very close to me and the situation. Russ was in bed, the kids are too young, my sister lives too far away and I can't afford the long distance, my parents and my in-laws are all in heaven now. I felt totally alone, and I wanted nothing more than to be with the one best friend that I had besides Jesus and Russ. I wanted my mom very badly. To say that I was in tears is making light of the entire situation. All I could think of was the way we used to go out for lunch, or "just for fun" shopping, and how we would talk our heads off. I thought about how I always picked up the phone and called Mom to let her know my latest news. Always. I couldn't stand it. It was extreme physical exhaustion, leading to a problem with my bipolar past, and I had NOTHING to give.....I mean absolutely nothing. So I was crying, and I was journaling on our laptop, as I tend to do A LOT! I had just written these words:
"I just need to talk to a friend, a close friend. Oh, I know that Jesus hears me. I've known that all my life...all my life, even when I wasn't really walking with Him. But right now, my faith is ebbing very low. It's like the old saying, "The heavens are as brass". It doesn't even feel like He's real right now. I pray, and all I hear is "bang, bang, bang" as the prayers come right back down and attack me".
As I pressed the period key on the computer, the phone rang. I picked up the phone, and, as usual, looked at the caller ID. I didn't know the name from Adam, so I decided not to answer. I figured if it was important, they'd call back. I didn't even make it back to the laptop before the phone rang again. Same number, same caller...so I gave in and answered.
Turns out it was Hilde Zeglen, one of the ladies who had prayed for me, and shared with me, and anointed me, and more at one of the Thursday night Healing Services several weeks ago. I shared with you about that night and the deliverance I experienced. She was calling to find out the name of the Christian psychiatrist and counselor that I go to, so that she could refer a friend of hers to them. After I gave her the information, she began to share with me lots of things, beginning with her enjoyment of my singing and music ministry, and ending with a recap of that prayer service.
She reminded me of the pledge made that night, that everyone there would pray for me everytime God brought me to their mind, so that they could be my Aaron and my Hur, and so that they could hold me up, as those men held up the arms of Moses during his weakened moments. And she said that God had brought me to her mind Friday morning. And then it began. She began to speak to me the things that God had given to her directly for my benefit.
Long story short, the things that she shared with me...only God knew those things. She had even made some notes in her Bible to share with me at sometime, and God told her Friday afternoon that NOW was the time. But she literally repeated to me everything that I had EVER been through, even going back to my toddler years, and she repeated the very things that I had been thinking, my fears, my weaknesses....all of it, down to the exact words that I had prayed to the Lord. The EXACT wording. I was flabbergasted, Pastor. If God hadn't told her those things, then she would have had to have been a fly on the walls of my mind!
Then she began to share with me the same Scriptures that some ladies shared with me at the altar a couple of Sundays ago....the same verses.....the same words. She shared with me from the 23rd Psalm, and how God WAS protecting me, with His rod and His staff...even in the very midst of all of my enemies, physical and supernatural.
Then she said that God knew that I doubted that He really heard me, that I had been thinking that prayer was really just for us, to help our faith, and that He didn't have time to really hear, that the "heavens were brass" (sound familiar?), and she said, "Shari, He's been there all along. He was there...." and she began to share specific moments in my life, again...ONLY GOD COULD HAVE KNOWN THOSE THINGS.
She asked me to find some oil and to anoint myself. Russ always keeps some anointing oil in the house, so I did as she asked. And she prayed "the house down", as some would say. And with every word, God became so real... I could feel His literal presence in the room. I could feel a literal touch. I've never been there before...I couldn't rise from my chair, and didn't for a LONG time on Friday. Once we ended the phone call (which was quite a while), I returned to the laptop, but all I could type was "wow wow wow wow"......
:)
I thank God for the Prayer Center, and for those people who are on the prayer teams. I am one who can truly say, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I have been physically and spiritually CHANGED and STRENGTHENED by the presence of Almighty God in that place, and in its people.
I can't help but talk about this. I've shared it everywhere (doctor's offices, friends' houses, neighbors, strangers). I cannot wait until I get another chance to share it. He is God alone......He was........He is.......and He forever will be! I know that my healing is a process, and that's fine. But I now have the strength (not my strength, because I have NONE) to go on. He is with us, every minute, listening and hearing everything, no matter who we are or what we are going through. The God of Creation is with ME...
See what I mean? How could I ever deserve all that He has done? But thank the Lord, He makes me His child, worthy of His love. Just the fact that His presence is ALWAYS with me, even at this moment, absolutely blows me away!
How close is He to you today? Closer than you think....or as close as you allow Him to be....
More later....
Changes....they are a-coming...
Well, since August is almost over, I'd better blog a little. I'm finding myself doing more journaling on my laptop than I am doing this. But I'll try to keep up. I know there a few of you out there who check in on this regularly!
Changes are big in this house. Russ is now an associate pastor at Solid Rock Ministries of Greater Toledo (actually in the Oregon District, east side). He officially begins next Monday with his first staff meeting, and our last Sunday at Dayspring in Bowling Green is September 10th. It is a bittersweet change, because we love the BG church, but we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the time to move. We have spent time with Pastor Keith and Shannon and their family (Solid Rock), and that only confirms it! I'll sing my final offertories at Dayspring this Sunday. Don't know what I will sing yet. I usually wait for this little "green flag"in my heart on a song.....haven't seen it yet.
And...I am now a Pampered Chef consultant. Or at least I am trying to be a consultant. My official "first month" is October, but I'm having an open house, and a couple of catalog parties in September to get me going, and to get a special sign-on bonus of some great new cutlery! Anyone out there interested in having a party? 419-669-3040 or theewings99@wcnet.org!
I'm serious! I'll take it any way I can get it!
Isaac is starting to talk up a storm! He says his ABC's (and sings them in perfect tune, mind you), his name, most of our names, and it is obvious that he's not just mimicking us. He is such a miracle. This is what we've been waiting for for almost six years!
Emma is still having some behavior problems (extremes, like hurting herself), so she is going to have a play study done at our local children's resource center, and then, depending on what they see, she may see a children's psychologist. I really think a lot of it is wanting so desperately to be the absolutely center of attention, she will go "all out"! Sometimes that makes her bang her head on the floor, even if the floor is concrete! We'll get this figured out!
Ronnie will be ten months old Friday. He has his 9 month check-up today (better late than never!). I'll be interested to see how big he is! Isaac has his school check-up tomorrow, and I will be equally as interested to see ho he has grown. Emma had a quick check with Dr. Lemon last week (for the CRC referral), and she now weighs 40 pounds on the dot, and is 39 inches tall!
I've got some tall kids!
Sometimes I wish they would grow up even faster, especially when it comes to helping pick up after themselves....but then I think.......I love my babies, and I'll miss them when they are grown. I waited so long to have them (I was 37 when Isaac was born, 40 with Emma, and 42 with Ronnie), and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
More coming up.....
Changes are big in this house. Russ is now an associate pastor at Solid Rock Ministries of Greater Toledo (actually in the Oregon District, east side). He officially begins next Monday with his first staff meeting, and our last Sunday at Dayspring in Bowling Green is September 10th. It is a bittersweet change, because we love the BG church, but we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the time to move. We have spent time with Pastor Keith and Shannon and their family (Solid Rock), and that only confirms it! I'll sing my final offertories at Dayspring this Sunday. Don't know what I will sing yet. I usually wait for this little "green flag"in my heart on a song.....haven't seen it yet.
And...I am now a Pampered Chef consultant. Or at least I am trying to be a consultant. My official "first month" is October, but I'm having an open house, and a couple of catalog parties in September to get me going, and to get a special sign-on bonus of some great new cutlery! Anyone out there interested in having a party? 419-669-3040 or theewings99@wcnet.org!
I'm serious! I'll take it any way I can get it!
Isaac is starting to talk up a storm! He says his ABC's (and sings them in perfect tune, mind you), his name, most of our names, and it is obvious that he's not just mimicking us. He is such a miracle. This is what we've been waiting for for almost six years!
Emma is still having some behavior problems (extremes, like hurting herself), so she is going to have a play study done at our local children's resource center, and then, depending on what they see, she may see a children's psychologist. I really think a lot of it is wanting so desperately to be the absolutely center of attention, she will go "all out"! Sometimes that makes her bang her head on the floor, even if the floor is concrete! We'll get this figured out!
Ronnie will be ten months old Friday. He has his 9 month check-up today (better late than never!). I'll be interested to see how big he is! Isaac has his school check-up tomorrow, and I will be equally as interested to see ho he has grown. Emma had a quick check with Dr. Lemon last week (for the CRC referral), and she now weighs 40 pounds on the dot, and is 39 inches tall!
I've got some tall kids!
Sometimes I wish they would grow up even faster, especially when it comes to helping pick up after themselves....but then I think.......I love my babies, and I'll miss them when they are grown. I waited so long to have them (I was 37 when Isaac was born, 40 with Emma, and 42 with Ronnie), and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world.
More coming up.....
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
A big step is coming up
Here's an e-mail that I sent out to several of our friends and family today. It tells a lot about the change that is coming soon to our little family:
We have a prayer need for all of you to remember. I know that we have come to you many times for prayer needs; this is perhaps one of the most important prayer needs in our lives.
We are now in the process of returning to fulltime ministry (yes, this means that we eventually may be leaving the Bowling Green/Toledo area, possibly even Ohio, going to wherever God leads!). Russ and I both know our calling, received a long time ago from the Lord. We also know that He has had us in a different place for a few years, changing us, molding us, refining us. But now we can no longer resist the call. This does NOT mean that the move will happen tomorrow; then again, it might. Only He knows.
Russ had his initial interview to get his credentials back with the Assemblies of God Monday, and all is great. We have some hurdles to cross, due to the past, but they are nothing we can't handle with the Lord's help. Now we have possibly been offered a staff pastorate (outreach-missions) in the Toledo area. We'll see what happens!! We'll meet with our pastor, Pastor Allen, on Monday to talk and pray with him, and then we have set up meetings with other area pastors later next week. The support within the fellowship is terrific, and we are excited to see what God has in store.
We love each and every one of you, and hope that you'll remember the Ewings tonight in your prayers.
Quick update:
Isaac is enjoying day camp at his school for the next couple of weeks (they are being "superheroes" all summer. He is "Isaac the Incredible"!!!). He is beginning to talk like crazy, copying everything, saying his ABC's, counting, singing, doing gymnastics, swimming....he is such a miracle! he is doing EVERYTHING the doctors once said he would never be able to do!
Emma is wishing she was old enough for school already, because she misses her big brother/best buddy when he goes away in the morning on the bus! She is singing and dancing all the time, our little entertainer. She has a HUGE vocabulary, and is constantly surprising us with her sense of humor (as well as her sense of being a smart aleck at times. Now where would she get that?)
Ronnie is now 8 months old and weighs over 25 pounds, 30 inches tall....a big boy! He is crawling, sitting up on his own, and definitely trying to work on his leg muscles at any given chance! It won't be long now, and he'll be tearing up the place with his brother and sister. He is a handful, but a great big joy!! He is also a bit of a momma's boy, so he won't let me out of his sight very often!
Russ continues working at Cherry Street Mission (3rd shift -- rough shift in the inner city), and it is a hard ministry, yet one he enjoys. He now teaches classes and bible studies at the mission, and handles some chapel sessions. He is also completing a masters degree (Master of Divinity) at Liberty University. He switched from a counseling degree and is doing VERY well.
Momma here is fine. I'm just fighting the never ending war of getting this house of ours organized. Some of the battles are victories lately, so that gives me hope. But what do I expect with three little ones? I'm still singing as often as I can, and would love to look into recording a CD, but the funds are greatly lacking. I do some computer work for Russ' classes, and am now possibly considering a counseling degree myself! Who knows? I've also thought about getting my credentials in special ministries, either music or education or drama. We'll wait in the Lord, and see.
We also have a new, very special member of our family. his name is Tim McGovern. Tim is a resident at Cherry Street, a man whose life God has turned around completely. He is just five years older than me (so he's VERY young!!). I know he would not mind me telling you that he was a heroin addict for 19 years (as he says, "your basic mess"), and just this last year, through God's power, and Russ' ministry, Tim was delivered. Tim now lives with us 3-4 days a week. Eventually it will be more permanent. He is a huge help, the kids call him "Papi Tim", and we love him very much. He says the feeling is very mutual. Hopefully some or all of you can meet Tim soon...we know you will love him, too. Cherry Street is preparing to hire him on staff, because he has passed every course they have. Tim is an angel sent from above! It has been discussed, and if we go, he is going, too. He IS family now, and a very happy family we are!
Keep us in your thoughts!
More later...
We have a prayer need for all of you to remember. I know that we have come to you many times for prayer needs; this is perhaps one of the most important prayer needs in our lives.
We are now in the process of returning to fulltime ministry (yes, this means that we eventually may be leaving the Bowling Green/Toledo area, possibly even Ohio, going to wherever God leads!). Russ and I both know our calling, received a long time ago from the Lord. We also know that He has had us in a different place for a few years, changing us, molding us, refining us. But now we can no longer resist the call. This does NOT mean that the move will happen tomorrow; then again, it might. Only He knows.
Russ had his initial interview to get his credentials back with the Assemblies of God Monday, and all is great. We have some hurdles to cross, due to the past, but they are nothing we can't handle with the Lord's help. Now we have possibly been offered a staff pastorate (outreach-missions) in the Toledo area. We'll see what happens!! We'll meet with our pastor, Pastor Allen, on Monday to talk and pray with him, and then we have set up meetings with other area pastors later next week. The support within the fellowship is terrific, and we are excited to see what God has in store.
We love each and every one of you, and hope that you'll remember the Ewings tonight in your prayers.
Quick update:
Isaac is enjoying day camp at his school for the next couple of weeks (they are being "superheroes" all summer. He is "Isaac the Incredible"!!!). He is beginning to talk like crazy, copying everything, saying his ABC's, counting, singing, doing gymnastics, swimming....he is such a miracle! he is doing EVERYTHING the doctors once said he would never be able to do!
Emma is wishing she was old enough for school already, because she misses her big brother/best buddy when he goes away in the morning on the bus! She is singing and dancing all the time, our little entertainer. She has a HUGE vocabulary, and is constantly surprising us with her sense of humor (as well as her sense of being a smart aleck at times. Now where would she get that?)
Ronnie is now 8 months old and weighs over 25 pounds, 30 inches tall....a big boy! He is crawling, sitting up on his own, and definitely trying to work on his leg muscles at any given chance! It won't be long now, and he'll be tearing up the place with his brother and sister. He is a handful, but a great big joy!! He is also a bit of a momma's boy, so he won't let me out of his sight very often!
Russ continues working at Cherry Street Mission (3rd shift -- rough shift in the inner city), and it is a hard ministry, yet one he enjoys. He now teaches classes and bible studies at the mission, and handles some chapel sessions. He is also completing a masters degree (Master of Divinity) at Liberty University. He switched from a counseling degree and is doing VERY well.
Momma here is fine. I'm just fighting the never ending war of getting this house of ours organized. Some of the battles are victories lately, so that gives me hope. But what do I expect with three little ones? I'm still singing as often as I can, and would love to look into recording a CD, but the funds are greatly lacking. I do some computer work for Russ' classes, and am now possibly considering a counseling degree myself! Who knows? I've also thought about getting my credentials in special ministries, either music or education or drama. We'll wait in the Lord, and see.
We also have a new, very special member of our family. his name is Tim McGovern. Tim is a resident at Cherry Street, a man whose life God has turned around completely. He is just five years older than me (so he's VERY young!!). I know he would not mind me telling you that he was a heroin addict for 19 years (as he says, "your basic mess"), and just this last year, through God's power, and Russ' ministry, Tim was delivered. Tim now lives with us 3-4 days a week. Eventually it will be more permanent. He is a huge help, the kids call him "Papi Tim", and we love him very much. He says the feeling is very mutual. Hopefully some or all of you can meet Tim soon...we know you will love him, too. Cherry Street is preparing to hire him on staff, because he has passed every course they have. Tim is an angel sent from above! It has been discussed, and if we go, he is going, too. He IS family now, and a very happy family we are!
Keep us in your thoughts!
More later...
Another friend is gone...
This has been a very rough night...
Most of you who "tune in" to this blog know that my husband and I are very BIG pet people. Well, tonight, our longtime baby, our oldest cat, Sass, passed away. He's been sick for a while now, with some type of seizure disorder. His last seizure must have brought on a heart attack or something. When Russ came home tonight, he found Sass in the litter box (thank God, it was clean!), and he was curled up, like he was sleeping. But he was gone.
I felt like a heel. I was playing with the kids only six feet away from that room. I don't know what I could have done, but at least I could have comforted him and said goodbye. The kids are okay now. Emma called for Sass for about fifteen-twenty minutes after Russ and Tim took Sass away for burial. When I told Isaac what happened, he cried for a little while, and then he went and held his cat, Babe. That was his refuge, I guess. This is all made doubly hard by the fact that Sass' litter mate, Moe, ran away in May. He's been seen around our neighborhood, but we have yet to bring him home. The other three cats are walking around, like, "Geez, first Moe, now Sass? We better shape up!"
I'll miss you Sass. You made me work at being a member of this family when I first fell in love with your daddy. But you became a little love, and I'll miss feeling your purr against my legs at naptime. Tell everyone at Jesus' house that we said hello, and that we love them, too. I know that Little Bit, Snoopy, PeeWee, Grandma Pat, Grandpa Ron, and lots of others were there to meet you, holding cans of tuna & oil in their hands. I love you, sweetie.
I'm looking for a picture of Sass to publish. That's coming soon. He was eleven years old, and he was beautiful.
Most of you who "tune in" to this blog know that my husband and I are very BIG pet people. Well, tonight, our longtime baby, our oldest cat, Sass, passed away. He's been sick for a while now, with some type of seizure disorder. His last seizure must have brought on a heart attack or something. When Russ came home tonight, he found Sass in the litter box (thank God, it was clean!), and he was curled up, like he was sleeping. But he was gone.
I felt like a heel. I was playing with the kids only six feet away from that room. I don't know what I could have done, but at least I could have comforted him and said goodbye. The kids are okay now. Emma called for Sass for about fifteen-twenty minutes after Russ and Tim took Sass away for burial. When I told Isaac what happened, he cried for a little while, and then he went and held his cat, Babe. That was his refuge, I guess. This is all made doubly hard by the fact that Sass' litter mate, Moe, ran away in May. He's been seen around our neighborhood, but we have yet to bring him home. The other three cats are walking around, like, "Geez, first Moe, now Sass? We better shape up!"
I'll miss you Sass. You made me work at being a member of this family when I first fell in love with your daddy. But you became a little love, and I'll miss feeling your purr against my legs at naptime. Tell everyone at Jesus' house that we said hello, and that we love them, too. I know that Little Bit, Snoopy, PeeWee, Grandma Pat, Grandpa Ron, and lots of others were there to meet you, holding cans of tuna & oil in their hands. I love you, sweetie.
I'm looking for a picture of Sass to publish. That's coming soon. He was eleven years old, and he was beautiful.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
A Brand New Me
Something happened almost two weeks ago, something that I have to share. Let me share a copy of an e-mail that I've already sent out:
Charlie:
GOD IS GOOD. I am a new person tonight, thanks to His grace. Thanks so much for letting me share that personal stuff. It was difficult (to say the least), but it truly was part of my healing, just to hear myself say those words!
I wanted you to read the message (BIG message) that I sent Pastor Steve tonight. This testimony is part of my very being right now. And I want you to know how much it meant to me when you talked about everyone praying for me, whenever God brought me to their mind, and holding up their hands as they prayed, as if they were literally holding me up. I already feel those hands, that love, and that support! What a marvelous sustenance!
I can't wait to share with EVERYONE. People need to know that lives are being changed in that Prayer Center, even the lives of those many might have thought "had it all together".
Here's that letter:
Pastor Steve:
Thanks so much for the wonderful words you shared tonight in the healing service. Sorry that you had to leave, because things got very interesting once we started to pray! I guess you could say they really got interesting for me, and I have such an exciting testimony already!
I was planning on coming to the service tonight, even if I hadn't been asked to sing alto. In fact, this service has been on my heart and mind for about three weeks now. This is directly a result of what's been happening to Russ and to me lately.
I think you already know that Russ and I pastored before we moved up here. We were the pastors of my home church, or (sadly enough) what was left of it, in Celina. The Celina AG, once a thriving, moving church, had dwindled over the years to a group of about 20 elderly folks, who weren't interested in anything having to do with excitement or change, or the Spirit moving. It wasn't a great situation, and it worsened after Isaac's birth. The people decided they couldn't handle Isaac's condition, my illness, etc., etc., and they fired us. It was a very hurtful thing, and we were pretty bitter for quite a while. God has since taken care of that, and we know that God moved us here, He took what was intended for evil, and He made something good. Up here in NW Ohio, we were able to find doctors who, by God's grace and mercy, were able to save Isaac's life. We lost everything we had, but we had our beautiful blessing in the shape and form of Isaac. Now, just in the past 2-3 weeks, God has been VERY SERIOUSLY reminding us of that calling on our lives. We are looking forward to going back into fulltime church ministry. Russ has been in conference with Columbus, and Doug is helping him get his credentials back. They are even talking about me getting my special ministries credentials. Who knows what God has in store!
What most folks don't know (until tonight...Pastor Alvin and Joann were the only ones aware of this part of my life) is that following Isaac's birth and our bankruptcy, I was so guilt ridden (guilt over Isaac's problems, guilt over losing our jobs at my home church, etc., etc.), I had three nervous breakdowns over the course of four months, beginning Labor Day of 2001. I was hospitalized for a number of weeks in a mental hospital. I know first hand what they mean by "rubber room". etc. I lived it. My subsequent diagnoses were: Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Agoraphobia, and borderline Schizophrenia, leading to personality disorder. Pretty serious, huh? It was....I have been on a cocktail of medications since that time, a cocktail which is constantly being tweaked and changed, not only for my two other pregnancies, but also because of the severity of this chemical imbalance and mental illness. I have been well maintained, shall we say, for a few years now. I am on disability pay because of it. For the past year, I've been doing great. My meds are down to slight amounts of many different kinds, and that's a big change, and I've been feeling great, even through Ronnie's birth and the infections he and I both had following that pregnancy.
BUT...in the past few weeks, since God has been speaking so LOUDLY to us, Satan has taken my illness, and worsened it unbelievably. Long story short (too late, right?), it got so bad last week that my personality disorder kicked in and I don't even remember last Friday. I remember Thursday night, tucking the kids in, sending Russ to work, going to bed.......and the next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed, in different clothing, and it was a few minutes after midnight, FRIDAY NIGHT. I was petrified. The only memories (so called) that I have of that entire day was being extremely angry, and working with some pictures of ours. that's it. Russ has since told me that I was just awful, to everybody, almost to the point of being uncontrollable.
That brings me to tonight. I had already decided to attend because I have decided that I am DONE. After Pastor Matt's sermon Sunday, I confirmed in my spirit that my identity is NOT as a mentally ill person. I am a daughter of the King. I am finished with the confusion, the pain (literal pain) that the depression/highs cause, and the total disruption of my family. I am ready to wean off of these meds, and to move forward into what God has for me. I was also ready to claim grace for Emma, since this illness is one that is in most of the female members of my family. I was ready to declare the curse at an end. But God wanted me to do it publicly; He wanted me to share this secret area of my as part of my healing, taking away my shame. And I have been ashamed. I had just figured that this illness was my "thorn". Paul had his thorn in his flesh, and I had mine. But I will not accept that now. I just had to proclaim it publicly.
And I did just that. It was possibly the hardest moment of my life. But I was honest, and shared it all. The entire group then sat me down in a chair, anointed me, and began to pray, to proclaim the promises of God, and to literally stomp on the devil's head. I gave it all up, at that moment. Diane Sitter leaned over me, and hugged my head, and began to pray for God's peace, for an end to the confusion, to the shame, to the pressure. When she backed up, it felt like a ten ton weight went with her, off of my chest, and I was able to breath like I've NEVER been able to breath in my 43 year life. The freedom was incredible, Pastor Steve. The Spirit of God was so sweet in that Prayer Center, I didn't want to leave. We then began to pray for Midge, and I was able to lead out in a prayer in my spiritual language, something I've never been comfortable doing. We even ended the night singing Waymaker, believe it or not! (Bless Bryce Jennings's heart, he loves that song, and he just began to play it!).
What a night! When I got home, I shared with Russ, and he said he could sense my excitement before I even opened the door. After Russ left for work, I went in and prayed over my sleeping kids, I prayed through our hallway, the living room, the kitchen, our bedrooms, and even in the bathrooms. The cats were looking at me like "What's up?" But I prayed for the peace that only God can give, that peace that passes all human understanding, to permeate the walls, the furniture, the carpet, the cupboards, the appliances, and most importantly, to permeate our lives, our coming and our going, our wakefulness, and our sleep. Thank you Lord!
I told Russ that he has a new wife now. I am not sure if he believed that or not, (LOL), but it is true. I just had to e-mail you before bed and let you know. I have to shout this testimony from the rooftops! God is the Healer, God is our Peace, God is my Daddy, and He is proud of me and loves me, no matter what. Our family is now free of this curse that has plagued us for decades. Emma is covered by His blood, and the trouble will simply pass her over. I believe that! And all of that guilt that I felt, that I kept picking up over and over again in my way of keeping some control, was unnecessary, because He already bore it on the cross. I cannot be condemned, because I am His baby girl.
Can you tell I'm bubbling?
See you Sunday! I just had to share!!!!!!!!
Shari
:-)
So you see, I'm a brand new me. Things aren't perfect, but God is working. Of course, so is satan, but the words keep coming back to me: IT IS FINISHED!
Here are the other words that I keep singing day by day...two songs:
He gives strength to me as I worship Him,
And my mouth is filled with praise.
Jesus breaks the bands as I lift my hands,
And gives glorious liberty.
Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above.
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.
Thank You, Lord, that I am truly under Your wings.
Charlie:
GOD IS GOOD. I am a new person tonight, thanks to His grace. Thanks so much for letting me share that personal stuff. It was difficult (to say the least), but it truly was part of my healing, just to hear myself say those words!
I wanted you to read the message (BIG message) that I sent Pastor Steve tonight. This testimony is part of my very being right now. And I want you to know how much it meant to me when you talked about everyone praying for me, whenever God brought me to their mind, and holding up their hands as they prayed, as if they were literally holding me up. I already feel those hands, that love, and that support! What a marvelous sustenance!
I can't wait to share with EVERYONE. People need to know that lives are being changed in that Prayer Center, even the lives of those many might have thought "had it all together".
Here's that letter:
Pastor Steve:
Thanks so much for the wonderful words you shared tonight in the healing service. Sorry that you had to leave, because things got very interesting once we started to pray! I guess you could say they really got interesting for me, and I have such an exciting testimony already!
I was planning on coming to the service tonight, even if I hadn't been asked to sing alto. In fact, this service has been on my heart and mind for about three weeks now. This is directly a result of what's been happening to Russ and to me lately.
I think you already know that Russ and I pastored before we moved up here. We were the pastors of my home church, or (sadly enough) what was left of it, in Celina. The Celina AG, once a thriving, moving church, had dwindled over the years to a group of about 20 elderly folks, who weren't interested in anything having to do with excitement or change, or the Spirit moving. It wasn't a great situation, and it worsened after Isaac's birth. The people decided they couldn't handle Isaac's condition, my illness, etc., etc., and they fired us. It was a very hurtful thing, and we were pretty bitter for quite a while. God has since taken care of that, and we know that God moved us here, He took what was intended for evil, and He made something good. Up here in NW Ohio, we were able to find doctors who, by God's grace and mercy, were able to save Isaac's life. We lost everything we had, but we had our beautiful blessing in the shape and form of Isaac. Now, just in the past 2-3 weeks, God has been VERY SERIOUSLY reminding us of that calling on our lives. We are looking forward to going back into fulltime church ministry. Russ has been in conference with Columbus, and Doug is helping him get his credentials back. They are even talking about me getting my special ministries credentials. Who knows what God has in store!
What most folks don't know (until tonight...Pastor Alvin and Joann were the only ones aware of this part of my life) is that following Isaac's birth and our bankruptcy, I was so guilt ridden (guilt over Isaac's problems, guilt over losing our jobs at my home church, etc., etc.), I had three nervous breakdowns over the course of four months, beginning Labor Day of 2001. I was hospitalized for a number of weeks in a mental hospital. I know first hand what they mean by "rubber room". etc. I lived it. My subsequent diagnoses were: Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Agoraphobia, and borderline Schizophrenia, leading to personality disorder. Pretty serious, huh? It was....I have been on a cocktail of medications since that time, a cocktail which is constantly being tweaked and changed, not only for my two other pregnancies, but also because of the severity of this chemical imbalance and mental illness. I have been well maintained, shall we say, for a few years now. I am on disability pay because of it. For the past year, I've been doing great. My meds are down to slight amounts of many different kinds, and that's a big change, and I've been feeling great, even through Ronnie's birth and the infections he and I both had following that pregnancy.
BUT...in the past few weeks, since God has been speaking so LOUDLY to us, Satan has taken my illness, and worsened it unbelievably. Long story short (too late, right?), it got so bad last week that my personality disorder kicked in and I don't even remember last Friday. I remember Thursday night, tucking the kids in, sending Russ to work, going to bed.......and the next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed, in different clothing, and it was a few minutes after midnight, FRIDAY NIGHT. I was petrified. The only memories (so called) that I have of that entire day was being extremely angry, and working with some pictures of ours. that's it. Russ has since told me that I was just awful, to everybody, almost to the point of being uncontrollable.
That brings me to tonight. I had already decided to attend because I have decided that I am DONE. After Pastor Matt's sermon Sunday, I confirmed in my spirit that my identity is NOT as a mentally ill person. I am a daughter of the King. I am finished with the confusion, the pain (literal pain) that the depression/highs cause, and the total disruption of my family. I am ready to wean off of these meds, and to move forward into what God has for me. I was also ready to claim grace for Emma, since this illness is one that is in most of the female members of my family. I was ready to declare the curse at an end. But God wanted me to do it publicly; He wanted me to share this secret area of my as part of my healing, taking away my shame. And I have been ashamed. I had just figured that this illness was my "thorn". Paul had his thorn in his flesh, and I had mine. But I will not accept that now. I just had to proclaim it publicly.
And I did just that. It was possibly the hardest moment of my life. But I was honest, and shared it all. The entire group then sat me down in a chair, anointed me, and began to pray, to proclaim the promises of God, and to literally stomp on the devil's head. I gave it all up, at that moment. Diane Sitter leaned over me, and hugged my head, and began to pray for God's peace, for an end to the confusion, to the shame, to the pressure. When she backed up, it felt like a ten ton weight went with her, off of my chest, and I was able to breath like I've NEVER been able to breath in my 43 year life. The freedom was incredible, Pastor Steve. The Spirit of God was so sweet in that Prayer Center, I didn't want to leave. We then began to pray for Midge, and I was able to lead out in a prayer in my spiritual language, something I've never been comfortable doing. We even ended the night singing Waymaker, believe it or not! (Bless Bryce Jennings's heart, he loves that song, and he just began to play it!).
What a night! When I got home, I shared with Russ, and he said he could sense my excitement before I even opened the door. After Russ left for work, I went in and prayed over my sleeping kids, I prayed through our hallway, the living room, the kitchen, our bedrooms, and even in the bathrooms. The cats were looking at me like "What's up?" But I prayed for the peace that only God can give, that peace that passes all human understanding, to permeate the walls, the furniture, the carpet, the cupboards, the appliances, and most importantly, to permeate our lives, our coming and our going, our wakefulness, and our sleep. Thank you Lord!
I told Russ that he has a new wife now. I am not sure if he believed that or not, (LOL), but it is true. I just had to e-mail you before bed and let you know. I have to shout this testimony from the rooftops! God is the Healer, God is our Peace, God is my Daddy, and He is proud of me and loves me, no matter what. Our family is now free of this curse that has plagued us for decades. Emma is covered by His blood, and the trouble will simply pass her over. I believe that! And all of that guilt that I felt, that I kept picking up over and over again in my way of keeping some control, was unnecessary, because He already bore it on the cross. I cannot be condemned, because I am His baby girl.
Can you tell I'm bubbling?
See you Sunday! I just had to share!!!!!!!!
Shari
:-)
So you see, I'm a brand new me. Things aren't perfect, but God is working. Of course, so is satan, but the words keep coming back to me: IT IS FINISHED!
Here are the other words that I keep singing day by day...two songs:
He gives strength to me as I worship Him,
And my mouth is filled with praise.
Jesus breaks the bands as I lift my hands,
And gives glorious liberty.
Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above.
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.
Thank You, Lord, that I am truly under Your wings.
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