A Brand New Me

Something happened almost two weeks ago, something that I have to share. Let me share a copy of an e-mail that I've already sent out:


Charlie:

GOD IS GOOD. I am a new person tonight, thanks to His grace. Thanks so much for letting me share that personal stuff. It was difficult (to say the least), but it truly was part of my healing, just to hear myself say those words!

I wanted you to read the message (BIG message) that I sent Pastor Steve tonight. This testimony is part of my very being right now. And I want you to know how much it meant to me when you talked about everyone praying for me, whenever God brought me to their mind, and holding up their hands as they prayed, as if they were literally holding me up. I already feel those hands, that love, and that support! What a marvelous sustenance!

I can't wait to share with EVERYONE. People need to know that lives are being changed in that Prayer Center, even the lives of those many might have thought "had it all together".


Here's that letter:

Pastor Steve:

Thanks so much for the wonderful words you shared tonight in the healing service. Sorry that you had to leave, because things got very interesting once we started to pray! I guess you could say they really got interesting for me, and I have such an exciting testimony already!

I was planning on coming to the service tonight, even if I hadn't been asked to sing alto. In fact, this service has been on my heart and mind for about three weeks now. This is directly a result of what's been happening to Russ and to me lately.

I think you already know that Russ and I pastored before we moved up here. We were the pastors of my home church, or (sadly enough) what was left of it, in Celina. The Celina AG, once a thriving, moving church, had dwindled over the years to a group of about 20 elderly folks, who weren't interested in anything having to do with excitement or change, or the Spirit moving. It wasn't a great situation, and it worsened after Isaac's birth. The people decided they couldn't handle Isaac's condition, my illness, etc., etc., and they fired us. It was a very hurtful thing, and we were pretty bitter for quite a while. God has since taken care of that, and we know that God moved us here, He took what was intended for evil, and He made something good. Up here in NW Ohio, we were able to find doctors who, by God's grace and mercy, were able to save Isaac's life. We lost everything we had, but we had our beautiful blessing in the shape and form of Isaac. Now, just in the past 2-3 weeks, God has been VERY SERIOUSLY reminding us of that calling on our lives. We are looking forward to going back into fulltime church ministry. Russ has been in conference with Columbus, and Doug is helping him get his credentials back. They are even talking about me getting my special ministries credentials. Who knows what God has in store!

What most folks don't know (until tonight...Pastor Alvin and Joann were the only ones aware of this part of my life) is that following Isaac's birth and our bankruptcy, I was so guilt ridden (guilt over Isaac's problems, guilt over losing our jobs at my home church, etc., etc.), I had three nervous breakdowns over the course of four months, beginning Labor Day of 2001. I was hospitalized for a number of weeks in a mental hospital. I know first hand what they mean by "rubber room". etc. I lived it. My subsequent diagnoses were: Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Agoraphobia, and borderline Schizophrenia, leading to personality disorder. Pretty serious, huh? It was....I have been on a cocktail of medications since that time, a cocktail which is constantly being tweaked and changed, not only for my two other pregnancies, but also because of the severity of this chemical imbalance and mental illness. I have been well maintained, shall we say, for a few years now. I am on disability pay because of it. For the past year, I've been doing great. My meds are down to slight amounts of many different kinds, and that's a big change, and I've been feeling great, even through Ronnie's birth and the infections he and I both had following that pregnancy.

BUT...in the past few weeks, since God has been speaking so LOUDLY to us, Satan has taken my illness, and worsened it unbelievably. Long story short (too late, right?), it got so bad last week that my personality disorder kicked in and I don't even remember last Friday. I remember Thursday night, tucking the kids in, sending Russ to work, going to bed.......and the next thing I knew, I woke up in my bed, in different clothing, and it was a few minutes after midnight, FRIDAY NIGHT. I was petrified. The only memories (so called) that I have of that entire day was being extremely angry, and working with some pictures of ours. that's it. Russ has since told me that I was just awful, to everybody, almost to the point of being uncontrollable.

That brings me to tonight. I had already decided to attend because I have decided that I am DONE. After Pastor Matt's sermon Sunday, I confirmed in my spirit that my identity is NOT as a mentally ill person. I am a daughter of the King. I am finished with the confusion, the pain (literal pain) that the depression/highs cause, and the total disruption of my family. I am ready to wean off of these meds, and to move forward into what God has for me. I was also ready to claim grace for Emma, since this illness is one that is in most of the female members of my family. I was ready to declare the curse at an end. But God wanted me to do it publicly; He wanted me to share this secret area of my as part of my healing, taking away my shame. And I have been ashamed. I had just figured that this illness was my "thorn". Paul had his thorn in his flesh, and I had mine. But I will not accept that now. I just had to proclaim it publicly.

And I did just that. It was possibly the hardest moment of my life. But I was honest, and shared it all. The entire group then sat me down in a chair, anointed me, and began to pray, to proclaim the promises of God, and to literally stomp on the devil's head. I gave it all up, at that moment. Diane Sitter leaned over me, and hugged my head, and began to pray for God's peace, for an end to the confusion, to the shame, to the pressure. When she backed up, it felt like a ten ton weight went with her, off of my chest, and I was able to breath like I've NEVER been able to breath in my 43 year life. The freedom was incredible, Pastor Steve. The Spirit of God was so sweet in that Prayer Center, I didn't want to leave. We then began to pray for Midge, and I was able to lead out in a prayer in my spiritual language, something I've never been comfortable doing. We even ended the night singing Waymaker, believe it or not! (Bless Bryce Jennings's heart, he loves that song, and he just began to play it!).

What a night! When I got home, I shared with Russ, and he said he could sense my excitement before I even opened the door. After Russ left for work, I went in and prayed over my sleeping kids, I prayed through our hallway, the living room, the kitchen, our bedrooms, and even in the bathrooms. The cats were looking at me like "What's up?" But I prayed for the peace that only God can give, that peace that passes all human understanding, to permeate the walls, the furniture, the carpet, the cupboards, the appliances, and most importantly, to permeate our lives, our coming and our going, our wakefulness, and our sleep. Thank you Lord!

I told Russ that he has a new wife now. I am not sure if he believed that or not, (LOL), but it is true. I just had to e-mail you before bed and let you know. I have to shout this testimony from the rooftops! God is the Healer, God is our Peace, God is my Daddy, and He is proud of me and loves me, no matter what. Our family is now free of this curse that has plagued us for decades. Emma is covered by His blood, and the trouble will simply pass her over. I believe that! And all of that guilt that I felt, that I kept picking up over and over again in my way of keeping some control, was unnecessary, because He already bore it on the cross. I cannot be condemned, because I am His baby girl.

Can you tell I'm bubbling?

See you Sunday! I just had to share!!!!!!!!

Shari

:-)


So you see, I'm a brand new me. Things aren't perfect, but God is working. Of course, so is satan, but the words keep coming back to me: IT IS FINISHED!

Here are the other words that I keep singing day by day...two songs:

He gives strength to me as I worship Him,
And my mouth is filled with praise.
Jesus breaks the bands as I lift my hands,
And gives glorious liberty.

Peace, peace, wonderful peace,
Coming down from the Father above.
Sweep over my spirit forever, I pray,
In fathomless billows of love.

Thank You, Lord, that I am truly under Your wings.

God is Good, Even when we feel bad!

Dear Lord, what a week we have had! It all started with Isaac last Tuesday waking up with a slight temp. Before we knew it, the slight temp turned into 103 degrees. Of course, he was just feeling like....well, you know. Then on Wednesday night, I saw the rash. The doctor on Thursday said that he had a good case of strep throat. And when she saw the rash she changed it to scarlet fever. Apparently immunizations mean nothing to this boy! I mean, he had chickenpox a couple of months ago, and now this. Ronnie was diagnosed with a slight ear infection, so she put him on antibiotics, too, but Emma was fine. Fine, that is, until Friday. Her temp appeared that morning, and by afternoon, she was also diagnosed with strep, and she was vomiting in the church lobby! Woo Hoo!

Tim (Poppi) got sick Sunday with a massive ear infection. It is one of the really bad ones. His eardrum ruptured, and everything.

Now it is me. My entire body is aching, my throat is killing me, my head hurts. So, I ask you, why is it, on nights like these, that my husband wants to "spend time with me"? I told him to play his new X-Box game and relax!

Tomorrow will be a really hard day for him. The auction of his Mom's estate is tomorrow. Mom Ewing never had much, and now the state of Ohio wants 250 thousand dollars as payback for all of her years and years of Medicaid bills. But the house is only worth 40 thousand dollars. Hopefully, the lawyer says, the state will go ahead and split the profit from the house between Russ and his sister. That's after they pay Russ' uncle the 9 thousand dollars that he had in lien on the house. If he keeps his word, Uncle Bill will split that money between Russ and Rhonda, too. But, Lord forgive me, I'm not holding my breath.

This is probably one of my biggest pet peeves -- so-called Christians who act very holier than thou most of the time, and then cheat everybody, especially their own family. It has happened before with this uncle and his wife, and I truly believe it will happen again. Readers, friends, neighbors, pray for Russ. He wants to talk it out with his uncle, and he wants to do it in the way that God would have him do it. But there is a lot of bitterness there. God help him.

Disorganized? Who, me?

I simply cannot believe that it has been almost three months since my last entry. Sorry friends and family who check in every once in a while, but life is nuts! I've applied for jobs to go back to work, been refused, decided now to stay home. Russ has started grad school, but now has to drop out for a while because of our money situation. And he is looking for another part time job to supplement the income from the mission.

But on the exciting side, Russ has decided to get his credentials back with the A/G. I am so glad. We are now looking ahead to getting back into the pastoral ministry! This is a relief, really, because I married a pastor! I missed it, even though it is an extremely hard job to be a pastor's wife.

It does upset me greatly that I didn't get the jobs I applied for, but I truly believe this is all in God's timing. I am meant to stay with my children for now. I am meant to be a housewife. I am meant to be a pastor's wife. I know that. It just hurts to know that I am not contrbuting financially to the family like I would wish. I still have my disability monies, but it is not much.

Speaking of disabilities, I've been having a lot of trouble with the bipolarity lately. It's been so bad that I don't even remember last Friday, except for a few dreamy memories. And those memories are NOT good. Russ says that he doesn't like that Shari. I hate her, too. The stress has been HUGE, and I know that it is the largest contributing factor. I'm doing my best to reduce it (ha!).

One of my bigger reliefs comes in the package of Time McGovern. He's a program resident at Cherry Street, and he is now a member of our family, and that is no joke. He is Poppi Tim (sometimes Uncle Tim) to the kids, and he is a great big brother to Russ and I. He lives with us on the weekends, and we've informed him (and he has heartily agreed) that wherever God leads us in ministry, he is coming along. He is a true blessing to the entire family.

We've lost Moe. He isn't dead, or so we think. He's run off. He has been seen by some folks in the park, or near the park, so we are still hopeful that he could come home. If not, we hope that he has found a place to live out his years in comfort and happiness. But I really miss that LOUD meow of his in the morning!!

More later (I promise)...

It Didn't Last Long

Well, we no longer have our precious little puppies. Last weekend, we surrendered them to the Maumee Valley Animal Shelter. They have a no kill policy, which I truly appreciate. It was just way too much to have an autistic five year old, a two year old, a baby, five cats, two untrained puppies, and a busy husband. I was losing my mind...literally! I hate it, though, in a way, because once again we have failed in the training and keeping of a dog. Russ and I have discussed it, and we are now going to wait until the kids are bigger, and are able to take on some responsibility for a dog. Also, maybe by then we will have a bigger place. Until then, it is just the cats. And they seem to have settled down now. There are still messes, don't get me wrong, but at least our home doesn't smell like "Poop City" anymore. After changing three kids in diapers, cleaning out three litter boxes (never soon enough for our cats), and then cleaning up after constantly pooping puppies, I'm amazed I didn't run out the door screaming!

More later.....

Okay, one more try.

Did I say that I was getting good at this? How wrong I was!

Okay, here is Isaac, my beautiful miracle boy. Can you tell that he is eating us out of house and home now? And he really loves his new school, our local MRDD school. They are wonderful. He goes swimming nearly every day, he is now eating with utensils, and he is starting successfully at potty training! I love his tenacity!!!

And I'll also try to get the new puppies' pictures on here. Roscoe P. Coltrane Ewing is the basset with the black face, and Lulu Coltrane Hogg Ewing is the Brown face girl. They are cute, at least in their pictures!

Okay, it looks like I have success. Now I'll publish and see what happens. Geez, by the time I get this done, my kids will be grown and out of the house!

More Photos for y'all

Let's try this again!~~~~~~For some reason, only Emma's picture came out last time. I'll try to get the other three here....if not, they'll come later!

This first one is the baby, Ronnie!!! Four months old, and gorgeous!! His personality is something else, too. And I'm proud to say that he is a momma's boy!

He never catches a break

Been a while.....not like I'm busy or anything....

We are in a battle right now with the Social Security Administration. My husband told me not to say anything about this on the blog, but at this point, I don't care. We are filing for SS Disability for Isaac, because of his CP, autism, mental retardation and developmental delays, etc., etc., etc. We were refused because they said we made too much money or had too much in resources. They got their figures from some ballpark numbers that Russ gave them over the phone. He didn't know he was giving them final figures. They had us making 150 dollars too much; however, they had our 1600 dollar truck listed at 2000 dollars, and our small 40 dollar a month checking account listed at 250 dollars, just like our regular checking account. The only thing we use the smaller checking account for is to pay the monthly tab for my gym membership.

Obviously we are way below their standard, but they didn't see it that way. So we are filing an appeal. We are gathering all of our eggs, and we are going to get this financing for Isaac. The problem was the attitude of the service reps that I was talking to. They are outright insinuating that we are trying to make money from our son! How rude, and how wrong. I can't believe that after all Isaac has been through, here he is in another battle for something he definitely deserves. In his five years of life, he has never caught a break! I may also contact our congressman about this. The rep told me that it was my fault anyway, because Congress made the rules, and I elected them! So....I'll contact that man I elected, and let him know what I think of these reps whose brochure promises that they will be pleasant and helpful!

I've been losing my mind anyway lately. Not just because of all this SS stuff, but we now have two basset hound puppies (Happy Valentines Day!). Roscoe and Lulu are a HANDFUL! So now I am daily dealing with five cats, two puppies, a four month old infant who is the size right now of a nine month old, a two year old toddler who thinks she's 22, and a five year old autistic son. That's not even counting picking up after my 34 year old husband! AAGH! My life is so full that I want to scream! I think I need Nanny 911 or Supernanny to come to thins house and give me some useful suggestions! She'd probably run away, insanely screaming!!!!! Russ says I wanted them, too, which is partly true. I love them, but let's be honest. He never outright asked me if I wanted the puppies. I just never disagreed with him because it wouldn't have worked! Once he gets his mind set on something, there is no stopping him!

Like the new photos? I'm getting the hang of this! Later...

Thanks to a good man...

Let's start this post with some happy thoughts....pictures of our kids. Aren't they beautiful? I know the directions of the pictures are all over the place....but I'm terrible at this! I also know that three of the five pictures are of Emmy...but she's the little poser! She loves to have her picture taken! I promise more of Isaac and Ronnie next time...

We received some horrible news last night. One of Isaac's pulmonologists (lung doctors), Stephen Snedden, was hit from behind while riding his bike on River Road. The driver of the SUV was drunk, and didn't stop after the accident. Dr. Snedden was pronounced dead at the scene. They caught the man who did it, and he should be charged soon. Does this sound mean? I hope they throw the book at him.

Stephen Snedden was one of the wonderful men at Toledo Childrens Hospital who saved Isaac's life more than once. We own our son's life to Dr. Snedden and the rest of that team, and he will never be forgotten by this family, that's for sure.

More from me later...

It's a new year...

Happy 2006, everyone! It's so hard to believe it. It seemed like forever until 1981, the year I graduated from high school, and now I'll be celebrating my 25th graduation anniversary!

I love New Years. I remember my dad saying that it was another time to start over, clean slate. Wouldn't it be nice if we could do that with our bills, and our debts? But we can with our relationships. I want my husband and my family to know that I love them more with each passing day. I want the Lord to know that I love Him more with each passing minute. This life that I have been given is so blessed, and so wonderful. In years past, I never would have imagined that my life would be where it is now. But even with all our difficulties, I love my life here on earth. And now that Mom and Dad are both gone, I love looking forward to my life later in heaven with them and with Jesus.

My prayer for 2006 is that I draw as close as humanly possible to God, and then I'll be drawm even closer in my relationships here on earth.

What is wrong with people who drink themselves into oblivion on nights like this? Is it that they don't want to think about their life like I do? Thank God that I'm not in that state any more.

More later...

I'm back with a new look!

Hello!!! It's been so long since I blogged, I almost forgot how to do it!

Much has happened since September, the last time I checked in. The biggest change is my newest baby boy, Ronnie! He is a big boy, weighing 8 pounds even at birth on November 1, 2005, and today weighing in at almost 14 pounds! He and I have had a rough time of it, having contracted a staff infection and another bacterial infection during my pregnancy, but we are both great now!

Here's a current picture of the Ewing gang.....more from us later! Happy New Year, everybody! Our prayer is that God's blessings on you this year would be new, fresh, and full!

How do you do it?

I just have one question for all the ladies out there: How do you get the man in your life to understand what clean is and what clean isn't? I'm close to being on bedrest, and our house is a disaster. Some ladies in our church are helping out, but I'm embarrassed to have them come in the house with it looking like this. it's not just in needing of a good dusting. We are talking major mess. Food everywhere...crumbs everywhere...trash bags full of stinky trash everywhere. And he says "well, not much to do in the way of cleaning!" Any suggestions? I love my husband, but I know that he grew up with a dad who didn't care about such things, a mom who was disabled and couldn't do housework, and a grandma who did everything for him and his sister.......help! He also gets very upset when we talk about, which makes me upset, and it turns into a fullblown fight. I need suggestions on how to approach this subject...

Got to do this more often

I can't believe how I neglect this blog. But you know, I've had enough on my plate the last few weeks. Here's a quick recap....pregnancy (except for having diabetes again) is going well. I'm just huge. The kids are getting big and more amazing by the day. Russ is back driving charter bus, and just returned from New Orleans, and working to get people out of the city. I guess that's what I want to blog about more than anything.

I don't understand why it took us so long to get relief efforts to the people down there. But the time for this stupid blame game is done..or at least it should be put on hold for a very long time. The most important thing now is that help is there, and there is a heck of a lot of work to be done. I thought the most poignant headline I saw today said something to the effect of "Now they're waiting to see what lies beneath the water". How true. I'm just thankful that our little family has what we have. We are so blessed.

More later.....I promise.....

Can anyone give me some advice?

It's been forever, but I've been so tired with this pregnancy. Today (and yesterday) we finally got some of the housework done. Now I've just got to finish and after that, I've got to try and keep it looking good. The baby's room needs to be finished, too. I just wish I had the energy I need. Any other moms out there that have experienced how difficult it is to have two toddlers (I know Isaac is four, but with his developmental delays, he's like a twin to 20-month-old Emma), and another baby on the way? Maybe it's been made worse by my age...I know that 42 is not too old to have a baby, but I am always exhausted!

I'm also looking ahead to this new school year. Isaac has what could be his last year of preschool. I'm not looking forward to kindergarten screening. I don't know if he'll be ready or not. Maybe with our appointment at the neurologist next month we'll get some more answers. If Isaac is autistic, maybe he could spend a year or two at Woodlane School (MRDD) in their autism program. Or maybe that's just the best place for him. I do love having him included with typical kids, but I'm not sure that, at this point, he can make it. How about some more advice...any parents of developmentally delayed children who have successfully completed potty training? We're working on a consistency basis, but no luck yet, and it's been all summer.

Come on, I need some comments!!!

Time for another posting...

I'm really getting bad at posting on this blog. I guess I just get too wrapped up in other things.

We do know now that the new baby is a boy...Ronald Lee Ewing III. I wish that November was here, and that the baby was here...this is my last pregnancy, and I'm already tired of it. I know what they say about cherishing these moments. I'd rather get to the baby moments, thank you very much!

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about the ministry that Russ and I have...God brought us together to spend our lives together as man and wife, as dad and mom, and as ministers together. We are sure of it. And I think I know exactly what that ministry is...to what society would consider the rejects....to the sad, the troubled, the hurting, the "different", the "challenged". My mind goes back to the days when I was considering ending this life, because I couldn't take the pressure or the guilt anymore. I remember being in the "hole" at the stress clinic....being on suicide watch, wanting everyone to leave me alone and let me die. I hear the cries of so many around me with those same thoughts. Can I tell you something, if you are one of those in need? You are not unlovable, you are loved by One far greater than time and space, One who created the heavens and the earth. And I love you as well, even though I may have never met you! PLEASE...if you happen to read this, and those thoughts of being unwanted, of being guilty, of being dirty have crossed your mind...contact me. Let me tell you that this life IS worth living, and why! Let me share with you the guilt and pain that I felt, and that I still have chance to meet with, even today. PLEASE......

More later...

Time sure flies...

Has it really been almost a month since I last posted? Everything has been so busy, with family, church, "working on the railroad" (the historic Bluebird), and more, I lose track of time.

But it has been a great month. We still don't know what the baby is...boy or girl. Actually, we tried to see in an ultrasound, but its little legs just stayed glued, and it wouldn't let us see! We do know this....the baby is VERY healthy. All of my blood tests came back perfectly normal, the baby's heartbeat is great, it was VERY active during the ultrasound......I am so happy!

Isaac and Emma are growing like weeds. Isaac has actually begun communicating more in the past couple of weeks...something is clicking somewhere! We still don't know if he is brain-damaged or autistic, because, due to some problems, we are now switching neurologists. But hopefully we will know more by fall. Maybe it's just that Isaac is taking his sweet time talking! Emma is just a little princess, and she knows it! She loves to play with her brother, to dance, to watch Teletubbies (just like Isaac), and to be goofy, just so Mom and Daddy will laugh. She is now starting to get the idea that a new baby is coming. I think she will have some problems with it when the baby is born, but we're working on getting both Isaac and Emmy ready!

Russ is, as always, working extremely hard, whether it's at the mission, at the railway, or at home. he wears me out! But finances have NOT been good, and that is frustrating for him. I help as much as I can right, with my disability and teaching some voice lessons. But it's summer time, and I had some students stop for the summer, so that's less financially. It makes me feel very guilty about not working, but I know right now that, mentally, I just can't handle a job outside of the home. He is up for a full-time position at the mission...executive chef yet to boot...but we haven;t heard anything yet. Lord, please give him some answers soon!

More later...

I'm Ba-a-a-a-ck!

It's been way too long since I posted anything, and I feel really guilty when I go blogging, and I see sites that have one or two sentences posted several times each day......I wonder what kind of lives those people have! Time moves by too quickly for me...

My pregnancy is going along great...14 weeks this Wednesday. I get a little nervous during this next month. It was at 18 Weeks that my water broke with Isaac, and all of the trouble began. I plan to just praise the Lord when I get past that 18 week mark....I know I did with my Emma! This is a great part of pregnancy, though. I've just begun to feel the little butterfly movements, and I love those. It such a feeling of life presence. Every time I get a new "wiggle", I talk to the baby, and tell him all kinds of things. I did the same with Isaac and Emma; when I do it now, Isaac and Emma just look at me, like I'm nutsy! "Mom, why are you talking to your tummy?" By the way, we are still not sure that the baby is a boy. Mommy thinks she is pretty sure, but we haven't actually checked yet!

Speaking of our kids, Russ and I have come to one conclusion about this almost 17-month-old daughter of ours: Emma may look just like her daddy and his baby pictures, but she is Mommy's little personality clone. God help her, I hope she's not bipolar like me! She is, though, a little entertainer. Just watch her when some music comes on the radio or TV; her little tushie starts wiggling all over the place, and she starts swinging her arms; she closes her eyes, smiles this silly little crooked smile, and starts spinning 'round and 'round in a dizzy circle. She is a scream. She is always wanting to be at the center of everyone's attention! Sound familiar to anyone? Theatre Departments of the future, BEWARE!

This should be a tough week for Isaac. On Wednesday, he goes to St. Vincent's Mercy Children's Medical Center for a second EEG (they didn't want to use the one from Toledo Children's Hospital!) and an MRI. His new neurologist is looking to see if Isaac's communication problems are caused by ANY brain damage that might have occurred. If he has some, then rightfully so. After all he has been through, especially two brain surgeries with his shunts and his hydrocephalus, he may have some damage. If none is found, then we go back to a rare form of autism called Connor's Syndrome. This is all just a way of clarifying Isaac's difficulties for us and for his teachers and specialists and therapists. We can know better what direction to take in teaching him speech, etc., if we know what has caused his problem. And the way I see it, we can know better how to pray for Isaac. Most of our prayers throughout Isaac's life have been pretty general at times; you know, help him to walk, help him to talk, give him strength, etc. With this diagnosis process, we can say to God (who already knows the problem, but it will make us feel better to specify it!): "Here's what is going on with my boy, Lord. Please fix it, or please give Isaac, Mom and Dad the strength we all need to work through this." In any case, we will know even more about Isaac. I swear, and many of his doctors have told Russ and I, that our medical degrees are in the mail any day now! I never dreamed I would ever know this much about pediatric difficulties! My R.N. mom would be proud.

In other news, boy, is our family busy! We are now members (and active members at that) of the Toledo Lake Erie and Western Railway ("The Bluebird"), its corporation, and so forth. Russ and I manage the depot gift shop in Waterville, and Russ is an engineer in training. Considering the fact that Russ grew up around this train (he was a member before, until he moved away and met and married yours truly), and that he loves it so. I'm very excited because, besides our church and the work we do there, this is an activity that our family can do together, even with our kids as young as they are. Isaac and Emma got their first ride on the "Bluebird" today, and they loved it! They will grow up to be train kids, just like their dad!

I'm really sleepy, so I'll write more later....

He has a reprieve...

Well, Buddy is still here, and personally, I'm very happy about it. After looking for a new home for him (with absolutely no luck) Russ, began to call vets (including our regular doctor), and asked them questions about how best to proceed. Most of them said training and surgery, so those are the routes we are going to take with him, as soon as the money is available. It's EXPENSIVE to snip and clip and male dog! And school for him is not cheap!

But here is the funny part.....Buddy KNEW that he was on the chopping block. I mean, he IMMEDIATELY became the best, most subservient dog you've every seen. He has been sweet as pie to the kids (well, to Emma.....he was ALWAYS good to Isaac), and basically, he is the best dog ever! There is not a dumb bone in his body...

More later...

Some changes coming...

I hate having to admit I've been wrong. But we were wrong in getting our dog, Buddy. He is just too big for our home. A dalmatian/beagle can get pretty large, and a mobile home is not ideal for his crib. He is destroying our yard. And now, he is NOT behaving well with the kids. He is snipping, attempting to bite, growling and more. I can't have this around Isaac and Emma, and I really can't have it around the new baby when he (or she) comes in November. So Russ and I are asking some friends of ours who own a big farm to take him off our hands. It breaks my heart. This is the second dog we've had to get rid of. But we have learned.....no more male dogs. They are just not the greatest with kids. And no more big dogs, even though dalmatians are a big part of my heart.

Here's a good part to today: We've got names for the baby, and we've made it very simple to call the baby by its name NOW. If it is a boy, his name will be Ronald Lee Ewing III (after Russ' dad, and his big brother who died as a baby). If it is a girl, she will be named Veronica Ann (still using the "Ron" factor, and a middle name that comes from Me and my mom). Either way, this is Baby Ronnie. I might spell it Ronni if it is a girl, but we'll handle that as it comes. We love you already, Baby Ronnie!!!

Later...

April Showers....you know the rest!

Well, I guess I need to post something. We are, after all, six days into the new month already! Also, my title is significant.....it is lightly raining outside.....and it's supposed to be beautiful tomorrow evening, and all weekend! Yeehaw! I have always loved the month of April!

And what a month it has already turned out to be so far in 2005! We've learned that my high hormone levels do NOT mean that I'm having multiples. We have one beautiful baby "something" in there, and, at seven weeks, two days along, on April Fools' Day, we got to not only see the heartbeat of our baby, but HEAR it! Technology can be a scary, wonderful thing. Our prayer now is that the high hormone levels will regulate themselves...sometimes they use those to try and indicate the baby has something wrong. I had high levels with Isaac, and he has hydrocephalus. God, this baby is Yours, and has been since the beginning of time...

WHAT IS IT WITH MEN AND SPORTS???? Russ got angry this week because his precious Tigers (okay, I admit, I love baseball...just not to this degree) were not aired on their opening day, even though the game had been advertised for ESPN 2. SO.....Russ immediately called Direct TV, signed us up, and then cancelled our cable TV, as of the 18th. So, he tells me that the installation appointment was set for ten a.m. today. We even got a call from their offices, confirming that time. THEY SHOWED UP AT 8 A.M.!!!! Needless to say, it was rescheduled for tomorrow (or by now, today) after one p.m. AAGH!

More later....I'm also going to put on a few great pictures! My kids have been at it again! Isaac's been into the kitchen, and Emma's been into EVERYTHING! Later...

Food for Thought

I have just been reading about the judge's decision today to keep the feeding tube out of Terri Schiavo. My heart is breaking. I remember four years ago when our son, Isaac, was so little and so sick, and a doctor asked us to consider letting "nature take its course", by pulling his tubes and his oxygen, and letting him die. I now look at my healthy, strong four-year-old son, and I think...Thank You, God. Thank You for having everything in your control. Teach us that You don't need our help to do ANYTHING. Certainly, my son is autistic, and there might be those who think that we would have been better off to let him die...but GIVE ME A BREAK! Isaac has so much to offer the world, and the decision was NEVER ours to make! Read this article, please....and continue to pray for Terri Schiavo.

The Christian Underground http://www.christian-underground.com/ READ IT - LEARN FROM IT - PRAY OVER IT - SHARE IT---Culture of death stalks Terri Schiavo (March 22, 2005; J.D. Mullane) In a video, Terri Schiavo appears pale, puffy and fragile. Her mother, Mary Schindler, faces Terri, back to the camera from a three-quarter shot. Mrs. Schindler lifts her left hand to caress Terri's face. Terri smiles. But this can't be, for we have been told that Terri Schiavo is hopelessly brain damaged and in a "persistent vegetative state" or, as one doctor who recommended starving her to death put it, in "wakeful oblivion." Another video. It shows Terri grimacing and turning away when a doctor places a cotton swab in her mouth. Who knew that someone in a persistent vegetative state could feel discomfort enough to react as anyone might when a swab is shoved in your face? Terri seems wakeful, but not oblivious. Another video. Terri's eyes follow a Mylar balloon as it is moved over her, back and forth. Huh. A profoundly brain-damaged woman who appears to have the ability to concentrate. Oh, it's probably just a reflex. More video. Terri laughs. Terri moans. Terri tries to speak. (Yesterday the Internet was ablaze with a 2004 audiotape of Terri attempting to speak to her father.) Laughter? Moaning? Speech? From someone whose brain forever spins somewhere near Jupiter? Of course, who am I to question the wise men of medicine who actually examined Terri? These doctors gave their opinions to a Florida state judge, who used them to rule that "persistently vegetative" Terri should die by starvation. Among the doctors the judge relied on is Ronald Cranford, a neurologist who has taught at the University of Minnesota's Center for Biomedical Ethics. I'm sure it's just a slip among us in the media, but it hasn't been widely reported that Cranford has long advocated starving the brain damaged, especially those suffering from Alzheimer's. He even wrote an op-ed piece in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune about it." In Europe," he wrote, "feeding tubes are rarely seen in nursing homes. Once a patient is so severely brain damaged that only artificial nutrition can sustain life, many doctors and families ask, 'What's the point?' " The point, doctor, is that brain-damaged people can improve, and the videotapes of Terri Schiavo are evidence. I had a cousin who suffered an aneurysm and lay comatose for weeks. Several doctors examined him and said there was nothing more to do. Compassion dictated that life support be turned off. But one doctor had an unscientific hunch that my cousin would recover. Several weeks later, my cousin was talking. Today, you'd never know that he had nearly been a victim of medically induced "compassion." What stalked my cousin, and what's stalking Terri Schiavo, is what Pope John Paul II calls the "culture of death." That is putting to death someone who is medically helpless in the name of compassion or for the sake of our own convenience. It's becoming normalized. Just last Sunday, The New York Times, quoting "experts," reported that inducing death by withholding food and fluids "can lead to a gentle death" - as if none of us have seen the horrific images of Dachau and Bergen-Belsen. If Terri Schiavo dies, she won't be the first victim the culture of death has claimed. She'll merely be the most famous among millions who've been silently terminated because it was decided that their life was more trouble than it was worth.

Can I also suggest to everyone that you plan ahead? Have a will made up...have a living will made up. Let your loved ones know LEGALLY what your desires are. I know I have a lot of room to talk, but Russ and I are working on it. Now that we have another baby on the way (have I written about that yet?), it seems all the more important!

God bless Terri, and if it comes down to it, Lord, take her away in PEACE and comfort. Don't let her suffer, as it seems her husband wants her to.

More later...