pain on the horizon

We'll try this picture thing AGAIN later. I feel so inadequate!

Happy birthday to the best man in the world. Russ is 35 years old today. I wish I could give him the world and then back up and do it all over again! He is so bright, so loving, so funny...and the best dad anywhere! Emma and I are waiting right now for Russ to get home from work so that she can give him his birthday paddling! He doesn't want to do anything tonight, but I'm at least making a family dinner...we'll go from there! I may have him get himself something special...he needs it right now...

My surgery on my abdomen is January 30th. My hernias are back and multiplying, and it hurts. But this time they are not alone...

The family doctor last week told me that I have severe degenerative back disease, with several (not a couple, several) discs in my lower back actually disintegrating. I am now facing more surgery on that in a few weeks, and maybe more than one surgery, depending on how severe it is. Dr. Dood sais that he expects two surgeries at least, but lots of time off. I'm already barely able to move, and it could get worse while recovering from surgery? AAGH!

How do I do that? I work here at home, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I've got three active (overly so at times) children, all age six and younger. I've got a husband who is already burning the candle at both ends, working, church working, looking for a new full time job, preparing us to move, and doing his masters degree. I guess if I wasn't such a "nitwit" about housecleaning, wanting everything so perfect, it wouldn't be this bad. And I have no one to help...except Tim, who is coming to stay with the kids while I'm in the hospital. But he has a heart condition, and he has his own life.

I'm really thinking of just getting more pain meds, and fighting my way through life. The doctors say that I could do that, but that my back is bad enough that, in a few years, I might face life from a wheelchair. I just don't know how we can do this...or rather, how I can put up with a filthy house! I hate that word, but it describes things pretty vividly...

I can do all things through Jesus, right? Right?????

More later...